Clear the Decks - Banquet Date, Location, Price Set

That's right. If getting humilitated on the message board isn't giving you the same thrill as having your shortcomings exposed in public, then your torment is over. That end-of-year folly we we loosely call a banquet has been scheduled, so all you have to do is dust off your date and learn some table manners, and you can be actin' all civilized-like.

Saturday, December 1st has been set aside for the occaision, with the festivities kicking-off at the Eagles Club at 4pm.

Yes, that's right kiddies, 4 o-freakin'-clock in the effin' afternoon. What's that all about? Some of you are barely awake by then!
So thanks to the early start things should be all wrapped up by 9pm, at which time the Eagles should be calling johnny-law, and you'll be home in time to pass out before the kids are even in bed. WTFWJDBBQ?

Where's the Eagles Club at then? Well, it's here, of course.

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You know, the funny thing is they even call it an Aerie, like they were real eagles or something. Caw! Caw!...or whatever it is eagles say.

So, the only thing remaining is to inform you of the cost for getting to eat your dinner in the middle of the day. Well, that would be $30 per head actually, for a slap-up afternoon tea, and presumably some quantity of Gritty's. Gay mixed drinks will be coming out of your own pocket I'm afraid.

Since the prospect of you actually showing up on the night with $60 plus drinking money seems highly unlikely to me, I've taken the liberty of giving you an easy way out in the form of the PayPal button below. Go get your mum's credit card and tell her that all the other kid's mums are paying for them, and that if she doesn't pay for you, you're going to go to your room and cry until you make yourself sick. K?

So, that's about it. All that's left is to remind you that 4pm is REALLY EARLY!

Why, Dan...why??

Portland stumbles, then stumbles some more

After a promising start to the season the bye week seemed to have interfered with Portland's mo-jo as first one wheel, then another has come off their playoff campaign. With one week left to go, post-season play is still a mathematical possibility, but our destiny lies as much in the hands of others as our own.

Having been previously indefatigable at home, Portland took their first misstep by failing to capitalize on their territorial advantage against Hartford, and then yielding a succession of penalties towards the end that allowed the visitors to put the game out of reach. Both tackling and decision making were poor, while a lively Hartford pack made every ruck and maul a hard fought contest.

Despite some extended periods in the opposition half Portland failed to turn the screw, and on most occasions Hartford were able to respond with 40+ yard breakaways to relieve the pressure. Hartford had the better of the try count 2-1, and both sides racked up three penalty kicks each. Portland got theirs early, to keep them in contention despite the failure to convert pressure in to tries, but Hartford got theirs late, when they needed them most, to help put some daylight between themselves and the hosts. Final score, Portland 16 - Hartford 23. 1 point for the near miss.

A week later Portland took the long trip to Burlington only to suffer a similar fate, coughing up too much ball in contact, which the host side was able to put away to their advantage. Overnight rain made for slippery conditions on an otherwise perfect rugby facility, and handling errors were to be frequent throughout the match.

Burlington struck first, taking advantage of players still shaking off the fog of 4 1/2 hours on the road. For the first quarter Portland struggled to get out of their own half, but held their own in the set piece and managed to prevent any further points being scored.

After a converted Burlington penalty, Portland eventually found themselves in the opposition half, giving them the opportunity to swing the ball wide through their backs, and despite coming up short of the line, the forwards were able to finish the move with a series of quick rucks.

Portland soon scored again, but this time it was all forwards, as they dominated a 5-meter scrum; stopping just short of a full pushover, but getting close enough to crash over from a quick pickup at the back. Both tries were unconverted, but it gave Portland a slender 10-8 lead going in to the half.

Burlington soon wrested back the momentum, striking back early in the second half with a quick move to their backs. Within several minutes they were at it again, pouncing on a ball fly hacked through our advancing defense. Both kicks were missed, but Burlington now held a 18-10 lead.

Portland came back with a drop goal from Evan Harding and another try of their own, and for a while the game hung in the balance at 18-18. Burlington were to have the last word however, after stealing the ball at a lineout and working it quickly wide and breaking several tackles to send their winger over in the corner. The conversion was made, and the scoreline moved to 25-18. That's how it stayed for the last 10 minutes despite some near misses by both sides. Another solitary consilation point for the close loss.

On both these occaisions the B side were able to win their own contests and add a silver lining to the otherwise gloomy score sheet. The B's continue to put in strong performances, thanks in large part to the numbers of new players that have been turning out each week. Sprinkle that group with a handful of wiley veterans and you have the making of a good side, and a great breeding ground for Portland's future talent.

Portland's final game of the season will be away to Newport and will feature the second fixture of the year for Portland's "new" old boys side. A bus has been laid on for the event and $30 will get you a seat on it plus some refreshments. Any old boys looking to get a run in before the weekend can find us at Memorial Field on Tuesday (7-9) and Fitzy on Thursday (7:30-9). If you'd rather conserve your energy for the day of, we understand.

River Crossed, Gold Pwned

Sorry, but things just got backed up and before you know it there are two games in the books and no match report to show for either. I'll blame the Jaeger.

Well, the good news is that they were both wins for the good guys, so you can sit back off the edge of your seat.

Going back two weeks Portland turned over Charles River at home to the tune of 35-15, with four tries to secure the bonus point. Three of those tries went to Fred Hayman, who still couldn't get MOTM and one to Byron Brinkley. Instead those MOTM honors went to Scotty Derrig. The B's also won, with a similar scoreline and MOTM honors going to Ed Lutjens.

This past week Portland made their first road trip to the gravel and grass strewn goodness that is Moakley Park in Boston. Old Gold had been having a bad run of it, and that run continued after a 31-7 victory to the visitors. In a tense first half Portland's lone try came from Steve Stewart, with a penalty from Andy Nelson giving a slender 10-7 lead. Things were to open up in the second half however, with scores for me, Matt Winch and Derik Hammond. Gareth Matthews converted a couple of these and Evan Harding the other, and that's how it all ended up, with another bonus point secured. MOTM honors went to back-from-the-dead, Dave Jackowitz.

The B's continued their own winning streak too, again with a similar lopsided result. Great performances from the new talent as well as a couple of solid ones from the veterans. Colin Dumont picked up another MOTM shot for his elusive running (and scoring), while the other scorers are encouraged to post of their feats below.

Elsewhere in the league South Shore is the only other team to sport an undefeated record, yet they continue to gift their opponents try bonus points like it's bloody Christmas! Hey, fellas, let's put a little daylight between us and them, eh?

Portland have a bye week then host Hartford on 10/13.

South Shore Stalemate

Portland and South Shore went toe to toe this past weekend but all either side had to show for it was a 7-7 draw after 80 minutes of spirited play.

Morning rain gave way to afternoon showers, yielding some slippery conditions, but that didn't deter the powerful South Shore backs from running the ball at most opportunities. After repeated forays into the Portland half this pressure eventually told when the South Shore winger broke free of a tackle just inside the Portland 22 and thus put himself clear through to score. 7-0 to the visitors, and although they continued to apply pressure for the remainder of the half they were unable to make any further breakthroughs.

Some changes at the half saw Portland begin to exert some pressure of their own, which was soon rewarded with a(nother) try fo Steve Stewart, who seems to be able to squeeze through gaps most of the rest of us would get stuck in.

Most of the second half was played at a frenetic pace as both sides tried to break the stalemate. Although each had their opportunties, neither was able to convert them and so in the end things remained tied up at the final whistle. Portland moves to 1-0-1, although probably sit somewhere like 3rd place in the league thanks to a dearth of bonus points.

Fortunately the B game was to provide more in the way of scoring, and probably entertainment value also, as the enthusiastic B's looked to reverse their fortunes from the previous week.

Portland opened their account in the first half through a quick tap penalty taken by Murph (senior) that caught South Shore napping and allowed him to sneak in to the try zone. No conversion, so that was all the scoring for the first half. 5-0 in Portland's favor.

The second half saw the champagne moment of the day as another old timer, Leo Caouette, floated through the South Shore defense and evaded several tackles before eventually offloading to Brendon Gibb to finish the move. 10-0 Portland.

Finally, Mr. Highstepper himself, Tractor, bullied his way into the end zone for one more score. This time Matt Winch's conversion was good, bringing Portland's total to 17. South Shore on the other hand, most of whom were playing their second game of the day, just seemed glad to get it over with, so that's how it ended up.

MOTM honors for the first game went to Evan Harding and his new kicking boots, while honors for the second game went to Leo and his dancing slippers.

Portland host Charles River this Saturday, at Dougherty Field again, 1pm.

Portland tops Providence

Given the early state of the season, we're playing our cards close to our chests this week with a slightly more tight-lipped match report than usual. Hopefully by revealing just the bare facts, our plans for a lazer-death ray can remain a secret, and we can reserve any editorial comment for the weather or the after match activities.

One inescapable fact however is that Portland came out winners this past weekend in their opening league fixture of the 2007 season, on a day hotter than a stolen tamale and a pitch dryer than a biscuit.

Mmmmmm...biscuits.

With the sun at its highest play kicked off and the initial onslaught came from Providence as they poured it on good and heavy. There were some tense moments from the home side, but they were eventually able to clear their lines and settle things down in midfield. Play see-sawed for a while but then Portland opened the scoring with an try from Steve Stewart, who's tireless performance would go on to earn him man-of-the-match honors for the day. Andy Nelson made the conversion.

Portland scored again shortly afterwards, this time through Ryan Facey, with another conversion from Andy Nelson, bringing the score to 14-0, which was how it was to remain until half time.

Whatever Providence was drinking at half time it must have been good as they struck back with a vengeance, running in two quick scores under the posts, and before you could say "wtf?" it was all tied up.

Both sides continued to slog it out under the hot sun, and never were substitutes more welcome. Through some concerted pressure Portland were able to earn a penalty in kicking distance, which Andy Nelson was able to convert and give the home side a slender lead.

Tensions began to grow on both sides as the clock wound down, and rucks and mauls were entered with ever increasing ahem..."enthusiasm". With about 15 minutes remaining an attempted kick ahead by Providence was fielded inside the Portland 22 and instead of clearing to touch Portland opted to run it back in search of a knockout punch.

The ball passed its way through several pairs of hands as it worked its way upfield and eventually found itself in the possession of Jerry Alves (I think) who crashed over in a cloud of dust to complete the move. Andy continued his kicking streak to make the conversion, and bring the scoreline to 24-14 in Portland's favor.

Despite continued pressure from Providence, and a few late handbags, that's how it remained, and I would guess that even the visitors were a little glad to hear the final whistle after 80 of the hottest minutes in a while.

The ensuing B-game saw many new (and some welcome old) faces pull on the scarlet jersey and take the field despite the continued high temps. The contest was to be an even one, with both sides scoring two tries a piece. Tractor was the definite protagonist of one of these moves, while either Brendan or Francis gets credit for the other.

Unfortunately however it was kicking that would be the decider in the B game, and while Providence made both of their conversions, Portland missed both of theirs, and so it finished 14-10 in favor of the visitors. Newcomer Colin Dumont earned man-of-the-match honors for his hard running and tackling at Wing and Center.

So that's all the news we're willing to print. Tune in next week for the more snark-free commentary. Portland hosts South Shore this weekend, also at Dougherty Field.

Looking for the Providence game?

...well look no further than the maps below for the locations of both the on-field and post match festivities.

It's leauge season for reals now, so come see if all the hard work will pay off. Game on!

Here's where the game will be played, otherwise known as Dougherty Field:

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Top food, top beer and above all topless waitresses.

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Training moves (again)

In case you haven't clocked it yet, training has moved again, this time back to Payson Park. We should remain here until the clocks go back, at which time we'll move back to Riverton and take advantage of their floodlights and wonderful drainage.

If you can't find Payson Park by now, shame on you, but if you've just moved here or like to color-in, here's another map.

Get thee to the Seacoast game

Saturday brings our first home fixture of the Fall season with a warm up game against our neighbors from down the road, Seacoast.
This would be a make-up match for the game-that-never-was in the Spring, when they were too "nicked up" from winning the D3 cup at NERFU. I then said some things about them, they said some more things, and much hilarity ensued.

But that's all behind us now, and we're all set for some spirited competition tomorrow. The A Side kicks off at 1pm, so players should be in the neighborhood by 11:30am.

Here's where the game will be played, otherwise known as Dougherty Field:

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After all that's said and done, we will be heading off to our new sponsors, The Stadium, for some booze, food and first-class waitresses. Meet us there if you're just too darn frit of getting roped in to play....

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Weymouth Warm Up

Portland made its first attempt to gather the faithful this weekend for a warm up game at South Shore, and yea verily, Coleridge was right, summer has indeed set in with its usual severity.

Nothing more to say about the numbers that hasn't already been said behind closed doors. It was what it was. Thirteen and later fourteen players were able to inconvenience themselves long enough to take the trip down to South Weymouth, while others attended to the sundry other distractions that can get in our way if we want them to.

Thanks to South Shore for treating the game in the spirit in which it was intended and for lending us a couple of players to fill in the gaps in our own ranks, and it was thusly equipped that we commenced the game of three 25-minute periods.

The South Shore pitch is a small one, with just enough room to land a couple of hundred geese apparently, and with a stiff cross-field breeze the touchlines too often came in to play and prevented much in the way of fluid play. Both sides were clearly reacquainting themselves with the rules, giving rise to numerous penalties and a staccato style of play that could not have been too easy on the eye of the spectators.

Lots of lineouts ensued, which themselves were often ugly slap-around affairs, not helped by different calls and some cross-cultural confusion in pronunciation. It'll all be alright on the night though.

Although South Shore opened the scoring with a penalty, Portland were first to cross the line when Jerry Alves created and then jinked through the kind of gap that only he could fit through. Evan made the conversion and thanks to some good Portland defense and circuitous running by South Shore backs, that's how the score remained for most of the rest of the period. At the very end however an optimistic kick ahead from South Shore bounced kindly for them, wrong footed our full back, and gifted them a score. 10-7 at "third time".

The second third was also pretty evenly matched, with Portland adding a try through a Francis crash ball, and a penalty of our own, while South Shore managed another converted score to level the game at 17-17.

Portland was able to put some daylight between themselves and the hosts in the third period, with 3 tries to South Shore's 1. A pair of conversions a-piece brought the final score to 34-24 in favor of the visitors.

A good showing by those who were there, but it's the not-showing that gave greater cause for concern.

Portland are at home to Seacoast this coming weekend, so expect the woodwork to be fully vacated.

Training moves to Riverton, Tuesday added

As a herald of the impending league season our training routine gets a little more formal next week with the addition of a Tuesday session and a move to the (slightly) less lumpy venue of Riverton School.

Noobs can find some directions to the Riverton venue here. Just go down to the end of the school parking lot and we should be hard to miss. Tuesday and Thursday sessions kick-off at 6pm as usual, so show up early enough to kit up and be ready to go by then.

Sign up to the message board to get any weather related changes to this plan that may occur as the season unfolds.

Acton (damp)Fireworks

Sorry for the delay in getting this to you, but given that the news is less than scintillating it just hasn't seemed that important. No disrespect to those who participated, but clearly summer isn't a big rugby time for a lot of you, so what's the rush, eh?

Anyway, this was my first time at the annual "New England 10's Championship" put on by Old Gold in Acton, although I'd heard plenty about what a good time it is and Portland's storied past at the event. I'd also heard about what a hard time it could be to get players together in the middle of summer, and this year proved to be no exception. On the face of it you wouldn't think getting 10 plus a few subs together would be all that hard when we can get 45+ out for the chance of a few cheap tries at the fairgrounds, but it wasn't until the morning of that we were able to confirm that we actually had enough players to participate. Indeed, it was only thanks to a couple of St. A's finest, Sean and Ray, that we were able to pass muster.

Portland had been drawn into the erm..."group of death", containing Springfield, Middlesex and the unknown quantity of Brookline High School Alumni, although given the size of the group we would only have to play The Rifles and Brookline.

We arrived just in time for kick off against Springfield, who had returned all of their Irish ringers back to Old Gold, and were now devoid of super powers. The result was a pretty free flowing game that saw Portland put up 43 points while leaking 12. That worked out to about a try every two minutes, and a tackle every five. All that touch-sevens in Payson had clearly put Portland in to an offensive mindset, although would that be at the expense of any defense when the time came?

If Brookline HS ever offered rugby on the curriculum, it was clearly a long time ago, and criteria for the alumni side had become pretty loose. And so it was another sling-around, with Brookline deprived of much possession to do anything with. The result was 35-5 in Portland's favor, without too much to write home about.

2-and-0 in group play gave Portland a pass in to the Championship bracket with all the big guns, although it would be a bit of a wait before our opposition would reveal themselves. In the end it turned out to be Northeastern, who had proven themselves to be Portland's nemesis in the two previous years. On the face of it however it appeared to be a good draw, steering clear of all the D1 clubs for another round.

As it turned out however any hopes of a free pass proved ill-founded, as Portland pretty much rolled over and played dead and allowed the kids from Northeastern to run in 35 uncontested points. Whether it was the lack of opposition in the group games, playing too much touch, or just general apathy, Portland failed to contest for the ball at the breakdown, which sucked in too many players and left too much space for the college speedsters. Towards the end of the match Portland were at least able to mount some opposition, but by then it was of course too late.

So, despite the promising start, Portland went out with a disappointing whimper. Meanwhile Northeastern went out in the next round to the eventual winners, Mystics.

Thanks to all of those who went down and gave it a shot. Congrats to Portland Women's team who won the Bowl Division (Sarah’s hot wet t-shirt picture here) and also to the Stripers who won the Men's Bowl (Chris' not so hot picture here).

Irish festival now less authentic

Yeah, that's right, apparently the logistics of putting on one game of rugby proved too much for the organizers of the Irish festival and our game for the weekend has been cancelled.

Please go about your business of honing yourself into perfect shape for the Fall season.

Dine hearty Spartans!

Summer Doings

While many of you have scattered to the four winds for the summer there's still a core of players meeting every week for a run around and to try and keep in shape. Unlike previous years this is actually a workout rather than the usual game of grab-ass with the women's team. We have coaches Diesel and McCluskey making the effort to make it out and make it productive, so why aren't you? Acton 10's is just around the corner, so let's be havin' you.

The Fall schedule is now over on the right of your screen, and as you can see, the games come thick and fast come September, so expect some serious training by August. To keep you up to speed on what you ought to be doing to stay in shape, get on over to the message board for the latest tips from the coaching staff, as well as the inane ramblings of everyone else.

That's about it for now. Of course, I couldn't let this little gem go by without a mention. Only Old Gold would decide to go on a diet after the Sweet 16. Meanwhile, some of our own stick to their own strict nutritional regime.

Bull Moose Results

Well, nobody seems to be rushing forward with a report from last weekend, but journalistic integrity prevents me from leaving the whole weekend unreported.

Since I wasn't there I have little more to offer than the bare facts below, but perhaps in an outpouring of free speech, those of you who were there could comment-in all the subtle nuances that I've left out.

What I know is that on Saturday Portland was able to dispatch an under-strength Charles River side and a Seacoast team still suffering from some post-menstrual symptoms.

On Sunday, instead of the usual date with Mystic River, some "hired guns" from Springfield had crashed the party and unceremoniously dumped them out of the tournament to pinch their place in the final. Clearly, that proved to be no mere flash in the pan as Springfield's "foreign legion" came out blazing and racked up a comfortable half-time lead. Despite shoring things up for the second half, Portland couldn't mount much of a fight-back, and it all ended 22-5 in their favor.

That's what I know. Thanks to all those who made the trip on Saturday and/or Sunday. Not so much to all those who said they were but never showed.

Comment it up.

Bull Moose Details

From Dan Joyce:

A couple things about this weekend:

With the number of players going up to Bull Moose, playing time is going to be hard to come by. DO NOT let unpaid dues result in you losing time. Get in touch with either Matt or myself (299-3310) to pay your dues or at least to make arrangements for payment. Do not be upset if you are sitting on the sidelines and have not paid your dues. I can't make it any more clear - PAY YOUR DUES.

Schedule is this: Charles River at 9am, Seacoast at 11am
We will try to get another game at some point in the day for those of you who would like more playing time. Hopefully this will be against a regular club and not a motley side - but I cannot promise anything. If for some reason this does not happen, there should be some sides up there looking for players. Do not be shy about seeking them out and suiting up for them. Game experience is better than any practices.

With all this being said, the more players making this trip the better. It sounds like it is going to be a great tourney this year and should be a lot of fun. We are going up there to win this thing but also to have a good time. So don't let anything I said above deter you from coming along. Below is some info about the tournament - directions, specials, etc.

REMEMBER: The games are in the town of N Conway this year, not Attitash.

I look forward to seeing everyone up there.

Dan

Directions
From the South or East: Take routes 16 & 302 into North Conway Village. As you approach the Village via the shopping strip you will see a Sunoco Gas Station on your left and TD Bank North on your right. Immediately after the Sunoco you will see White Birch Books and an Antique Shop on the left. Just pass the Antique Shop you will see a Police Officer and a couple of our player’s kids directing you to parking and the pitches.

From the West or North: Take routes 16 & 302 into North Conway Village. You will pass the newly sodded Village Park on the right, the brick community center, North Conway Country Club, and playground for little ruggers. Just past the playground you will see a Police Officer and a couple of our player’s kids on the right directing you to parking and the pitches.


Parking
We regret that we have not had a chance to build our parking area on the field yet. On field parking will be available for the NERFU Championships in 2008. All parking for this year’s tournament is within a 5-10 minute easy nature walk to the grounds. When you arrive at the pitch our parking guys will direct you to 1 of 4 parking areas. Rest assured that there is plenty of parking. Please don’t give the Police Officer a hard time.

Practice at Payson Park (6/5)

The title says it all. Practice tonight will be at Payson Park in the outfield of one of the baseball fields - which ever one isn't full of little kids. Bring your raffle ticket money.

Official: Seacoast Menstruating

So it seems our compatriots down the road in Portsmouth (or Portland-lite as it's known), got a little too "knicked up" at NERFU the other week and just couldn't scrape together a team to face us this weekend. No doubt they'll be at home getting a bikini wax or knitting a nice cozy for their new trophy.

However, since you've already asked the wife for the afternoon off, we're going to have a little get together of our own at the Fairgrounds. We'll play a little rugby (format to be decided), then have a cook out and maybe even sip a beer or too. The NERFU Cup will be on display for you to take a sip out of and maybe some of that manly-ness will rub off on you. Failing that you can go rub off some manly-ness behind the stables.

Stay tuned for more details, but at the very least plan on being at the Fairgrounds by 1 on Saturday. Volunteers will be sought to bring grills, chairs etc.

Oh, and one more thing...

A few of you have been asking for a private message board where you can post your obscenity without fear of censorship, so here it is.

You'll need to set yourself up a profile to start, then you'll be free to offend each other at will, safe from young (or old) impressionable eyes. Your profile will need to be verified before you're free to get your freak on, so have a little patience. I'll try to get to them as quickly as possible. Bottom line, if I don't recognize who you are from your profile, then I won't verify. That way we get to keep the riff-raff out. Sorry Jesse.

NERFU...the full story

So, at last we've got some news that might keep Striper Jesse off the Comments for more than 5 minutes. Sure, it took Portland winning the D2 NERFU Cup in Newport to do it, but hey, I think even Paris Hilton craves attention less than he does.

Anyway, moving on...

History, they say, is written by the victors, so I'll be damned if that doesn't make me a Historian - instead of just a lazy, layabout with too much time on his hands. Aw yeah...sweet validation.

So last Friday rolls around, and since Newport is involved, you can guarantee that it was raining. Nevertheless, many of the Portland faithful began their long journey down south ready for the early start against our fellow road-warriors from Burlington. Some had easier journeys than others; some even decided to detour through Connecticut, but as the rain continued to lash down and the night drew to a close, all across Rhode Island and Southern Massachusetts little groups of Portland players were huddled together (but not too close together), steeling themselves for the weekend ahead.

Saturday dawned with the rain giving way to mist and drizzle, which eventually gave way to just cold and damp. Portland staked their claim on the overlooking hillside, and with some typical ingenuity from Ed, Jacko & Francis, they had soon constructed a shelter (with heating even) that was to keep Francis' girlfriend warm and dry all day.

Thanks to our performance in the Fall we had been labeled with the #8 seeding position, which meant a draw against the #1 seed Burlington in the first round. Thankfully 6-months is a long time in New England rugby, and the timing and location of the NERFU tourney tend to level the playing field somewhat, unless of course this happens to be your home ground, but more on that later.

Portland elected for mobility over size for the first half of the Burlington match, fielding a significantly smaller pack in the hope that they were better suited for the breakneck pace of the 25 minute halves. As a result Portland managed to play the more expansive style of rugby without giving up too much in the set piece. Indeed, Portland's M.O. for most of the weekend was to shift the ball wide and take advantage of the speed, power and pure crankiness of our wings Fred Hayman & Matt Winch and fullback Scotty Derrig.

Faced with the same lady-ref that had overseen our love-fest against Charles River earlier in the season, Portland displayed much better discipline, and kept their minds focused on playing a fast paced game. Since a lot of rugby came and went after the Burlington game I can't remember much about who scored when, but I do know that the final was 15-5 in Portland's favor, no doubt with Andy Nelson slotting a few goals to make the margin more comfortable.

Andy's kicking was to be another theme of the weekend, as our opponents were quietly taken out of contention by his relentless accuracy. The beauty of Andy's kicking is that nobody takes the threat seriously when they see the Number 3 jersey step up to take the penalty. Before they know it however Andy's kicked a 9-point cushion that just knocks the wind out of their sails. The Velvet Hammer indeed.

Having kicked off early, Portland had the advantage of watching their next opponent be determined as Providence squared off against Hartford. In a close fought match the difference proved to be the Providence kicker, who was able to punish indiscipline from long range and some extreme angles and effectively kicked his side into the semi-finals.

As is the way at Newport there is always plenty of time to sit around and stiffen up, with 5 hours between the first round game and the semi. There was also plenty of rugby to watch, including a barnstormer of a semi-final between Newport and Charles River that opened to the strains of AC/DC's Thunderstruck and a blatant clothesline from one of the Newport forwards. The game remained ill-tempered throughout, but in the end Newport ahem..."muscled" their way into the final. But who would they play? Portland or Providence? Read on and find out...

The other semi-final proved to be another tight match, with the Providence side certainly fired up to set up an all-Rhode Island final. Again the opposing pack threw the kitchen sink and it was up to Portland to bend but not break. Working in our favor, the Providence fly-half who had kicked apart Hartford earlier, had gone completely cold and proceeded to pass up some relatively easy points that might have put the game beyond doubt.

Nevertheless, as the clock ticked down Portland found themselves trailing 13-15, and a breakthrough looked hard to find. Pushing for the line, the Portland pack was held up at the Providence 22 but was able to maintain possession. Recycling quickly, the ball found Evan in space some 30 meters out (I reckon). Probably against most people's better judgement he instantly took a crack at goal, hitting the ball so sweetly that it was still climbing as it sailed through the uprights. 16-15 Portland, and that's how it remained as Providence failed to find either the time or the spirit to recover from Evan's coup de grace.

And so a place in the final had been secured for the following day, but not without its price. Hannes had been sidelined in the dying minutes of the semi-final when asked to execute a crash ball that Providence had seen coming down Rt. 24 several hours before. His tournament ended there, but not before making a huge contribution to the team's success.

The tournament ended there for several others, and while it may have been for less heroic reasons it probably was with less boozy results. Mike Babich had played his part in both games but was called away to start a new job the following day. Bubba left too, to "do some marking" and dragged his friend Josh home with him. Panic began to set in a little at this point, and many frantic calls were made back to the mother ship to rustle up some support. Unlike the days of yore however, when Frenchy and Matt Boyer drove 6 hours to Syracuse for 40 minutes of rugby, nobody was willing to make the trip. Of course, gas was 10 cents a gallon cheaper then.

A quick survey of those that remained revealed that being in the final was uncharted territory for everyone. Even Uncle Jerry hadn't been there before. Thus a solemn pact was sworn to "take it easy" that night, so that everyone could perform their best in the final. Now of course, "take it easy" is such a subjective term, and it was left to each player to interpret it themselves. For some it meant a high protein meal and some Lunesta, while for others it meant a 12 pack and a slice of pizza.

Fortunately however most chose discretion, and the squad re-assembled more or less on time on another overcast and damp morning. Clearly the Newport club was out in force to support their boys as the green and blue jackets lined the field. Like Spartans to their Persians, Portland by contrast formed a tight knit group on the side of the field, keeping to themselves, going through the usual warm up.

The final kicked off in a similar vein to the Providence match, with Newport's heavier pack looking to play the game up front while Portland looked to spin it wide. Francis had stepped into the hole left by Hannes, bringing some welcome beef to the pack, and J-Wil, Derik and Andy held their own against a much larger front row. The extra mobility paid off however as the Portland pack proceeded to tackle everything that moved and snuff out much of the Newport offense.

Portland were able to use some early possession to their advantage, as Evan's well placed cross-field kick bounced favorably and allowed Matt Winch to use his height advantage and grab the loose ball and touch down in the corner. Andy had a rare miss, but first blood had been drawn.

Not long afterwards Portland were able to score again, this time with Ryan Facey darting over the line from some kind of pile up. This time Andy had no trouble, and before you knew it Portland had a 12-0 lead that gave our boys some breathing room.

Not that Newport were taking it lying down mind you, and they continued to batter the ball up front as much as possible. A lot of the middle section of the match gets a little blurry for me. I know Andy had another penalty before the half and I remember half time being the first time that I thought we might be able to pull this off.

In the second half Newport must have come back and scored some points but so did Portland, with Evan kicking his now customary drop goal, and Freddy skidding in to the corner on his chest from about 5 meters out. Andy missed that conversion but kicked two more penalties to maintain the margin. The cat calls from the Newport sideline that had greeted Andy's first crack at goal had now diminished to silence as his boot kept the home side out of reach.

By this time tempers had begun to fray and the cards started flying, but fortunately Portland kept their calm (mostly) and remained focused on the job in hand. Newport had a late flurry and crashed over with another score, but as everyone pointed out to me after my hissy fit, it was just a little too late. The final whistle blew and the scoreline read 29-17. Portland had got 'er done.

So let's see...who hasn't got a metion yet? Steve Stewart, Jeff Keating and Ben Gurney put on a tackling clinic all weekend. Nothing was too big or moving too fast for them to lower the shoulder in to. Jacko and Jerry Alves played with equal measures of brains and braun, shipping it wide when we could but sucking it up and taking the hit when there was nothing on.

Of course, huge thanks got to the rest of the Red Army who traveled, even if they never made it on to the pitch. Ed, Devon, Gus, Murph, and Richard all kitted up and were ready to go at a moments notice. On the shoulders of giants, lads.

Thanks to Leo for his support all weekend, and for single handedly helping Newport turn a profit on the whole weekend with his endless trips to the beer and food tent. Huge thanks should also go to Mike for putting up half the team and not kicking them all out when Ryan flooded the bath room.

Coaches Diesel and Johnny deserve a shout out for putting us through the wringer all Spring, and I've even got love for all you bastards who wouldn't answer your phone on Saturday night.

So that's about it. Cup and League double anyone?

Lots of pictures here.

Portland captures NERFU D2 Cup

Just a quick post to confirm what you may have heard, that Portland's finest won the NERFU D2 Championship this past weekend in Newport, beating the hosts 29-17 in the final.

More details to follow later in the week, once I regain my composure, but for now a huge thanks to all those who travelled down and were part of it.

Newport Directions

If you're still in town and reading the blog at this late hour, then you'd better get your skates on and get down to Newport. Kick off is at 10am tomorrow morning.

To help you on your way, here's some directions.

Going down tonight? Crash at Mike's house here.

Going down in the morning? Go straight to Fort Adams Park, here.

Bring your rain gear, 'cos the weather looks like this.

Fairgrounds Romp

Portland cut loose this past weekend, putting up some big numbers against their guests from Eastern New Hampshire and Central Maine.

Having been on the wrong end of a few patronizing match reports after a lopsided result, I'll try to avoid too many cliches, and leave it to the "angry commenters" to regale us with stories of their individual prowess.

The first game saw Portland run away 98-10 victors of Monadnock, who to their credit seemed genuinely angry and surprised every time the home side scored. No sooner had the conversion attempt been made and they were thundering back to the half way for another quick restart that failed to go 10 yards. Here's a tip for free - when on the end of a hiding, waste as much time as possible. Once the result is beyond any doubt then a sympathetic ref is sure to let the clock run when there are shoelaces to be tied, contact lenses to be found or minutes to be taken. After a while it's just about damage limitation.

Following an almost complete rotation of the Portland side at half time, the flood of scoring did subside somewhat and Monadnock were able to pick up a couple of scores of their own late in the game. Again, at the risk of sounding hugely patronizing, they stuck at it and we wish them all the best for the future. Bless 'em.

Oops. That last bit sort of slipped out.

[What a douche-bag - Editor]

Next up were the Stripers of Central Maine, and despite what you might have read in the comments, the game was for the most part played cleanly and free of much acrimony - or as free as any rugby match ever could be. This was the Stripers first outing of the Spring, so the rust and lack of match fitness was showing. Portland were able to exploit this, and while not scoring quite as freely as in the first game, they were able to make sure the traffic was pretty much one way.

There was another changing of the guard at half time, evening up the odds somewhat, and although I have no idea what the final score was, I would think that first-half lead left it firmly in Portland's favor. Anyone who knows the result is free to comment it below.

After that there was another round with our B's and Monadnock/Stripers all stars, which proved to be the closest contest of the day. I'm pretty sure even the ref didn't know the score of this one, but I've been told it landed in Portland's favor. Feel free to refute this below, but be prepared for the-angriest-man-in-rugby to get on your case about it and try post a bunch of comments that I won't even be able to publish.

Ah, happy days.

MOTM honors went to Ben Gurney (again), so it's time somebody else step up and have a big game. Scorers are too numerous and frequent to mention, so I just won't.

So here's you, posting your best comments.


"Grrr! I'm so angry!"

Festival of Northern Rugby

After a brief hiatus Portland is back in action tomorrow with their first home fixture in quite some time. But what a fixture it is, with two teams showing up to have a tilt at your home-town heroes.

Firstly we have the newly formed Monadnock RFC, aka Keene State Alumni, who have burst on to the D3 scene this year and who are looking to build on some of their strong performances against Bull Moose and erm...nobody else. I'm sure you're all very interested in that strange name they've chosen for themselves, which presumably they've taken from Mount Monadnock which is wicked close by to Keene, NH. What's even more interesting than that is the fact that the term "monadnock" has been adopted by American geologists as an alternate term for "inselberg" which describes "an isolated hill, knob, ridge or small mountain that rises abruptly from a gentle sloping or virtually level surrounding plain".

So lets hope they're able to rise abruptly to the occasion and put on a good show without looking like isolated knobs.

Oh snap!

As if that doesn't all sound like too much fun, the second act brings us even more rugby from the wild frontier, when the Central Maine Stripers (and perhaps even a few Bull Moosers) will be strutting their stuff. The Stripers themselves are, of course, named after the Three-Striped Night Monkey (Aotus Trivirgatus), one of several species of Northern Owl Monkey. Known for their large eyes and striking face markings they feed mainly of fruit, nuts, leaves insects and small invertebrates.

No, that's what the monkeys eat, silly.

After that, there's even talk of a third act, in which the Knobs and the Monkeys duke it out for your viewing pleasure. All that and sunny too!

So all you Old Boys should bring your boots and your lawn chair, so after you've phoned-in your requisite 40 minutes of rugby you can put your feet up and tell us how it was done in your day. I can't wait!

Oh yeah, it all kicks-off at the Fairgrounds at 1pm.

Turbulent River

An ill tempered matched ended with an uncharacteristically good-natured result when Portland and Charles River met up this past weekend in Franklin Park.

Despite the sunshine, overnight rains had turned the normally dusty Franklin Park pitch in to a bit of a quagmire, so it was never going to be ideal conditions for running rugby, but short tempers and ahem..."challenging" refereeing prevented the game from ever really getting out of second gear.

The game started with Charles River definitely coming out the sharper of the two sides. Like an '82 Rothschild Portland never travels well, and the joys of driving through some of Boston's most scenic neighborhoods had clearly preoccupied the visitors. Charles River's big and physical pack took advantage of Portland's sluggishness, repeatedly crashing ball off the side of the rucks and all in all making themselves quite a handful. Soon enough this pressure told as Portland failed to contain the fringe attack.

After the Portland captain picked up a yellow card for erm...an obstruction of justice, Charles River quickly took advantage of the overload up front and scored again. Now 12 points adrift, Portland finally began to wake up and offer up some kind of resistance. Play staggered in both directions, with poor handling preventing either side from gathering much momentum. Tries were traded by each side, with Hannes Bouwer opening the scoring for Portland. Despite the signs of life however, Portland were 19-5 adrift at the half.

The second half offered much of the same stop-start rugby as before, with most plays dissolving into an ill-tempered ruck, complete with much shoving and name calling on both sides. Again it was River though who kept their focus, opening the second half scoring with a well taken chance off turnover ball.

With the scoreline now at 24-5, and Portland giving every appearance that they would rather keep fighting than start scoring, it seemed as though the game was quickly heading down the tubes. However, as gravity and a late yellow card began to take its hold on the Charles River pack, Portland were able to exert some pressure of their own and begin to stretch out the opposition defense. First Fred Hayman and then Bubba Nadeau were able to dance down the wing and score, with Fred having the presence of mind to give our motley assortment of kickers a helping hand by touching down under the posts. Scotty duly rewarded his efforts, and after both scores it was now 24-17. Game on.

With seconds on the clock Portland spun the ball wide once more, only to see Fred hauled down by his collar inches short of the line. Had he been allowed to cross the line unmolested the resultant conversion angle would have probably proven too much for any of part-time kickers. However, thanks to that ill-timed shirt grab, the ensuing penalty try ensured a kick under the posts that Matt Winch was able to slot over as though he had ice in his veins (instead of piss and vinegar).

Full time and a score of 24-all. Probably the only result that, given the nature in which the game was played, could ensure that neither side went home with a serious pole up its arse. All's well that ends well, and both sides were able to congratulate themselves for not losing. Fred Hayman secured MOTM honors for the game, as he continues his return from injury and begins to fire on all cylinders.

The B-side returned to their winning ways in more unequivocal fashion, running out 31-0 winners in a more good natured encounter. Despite a lot of familiar faces from the A-side, it was probably the cameo appearances of Spyder and Joey D that stood out the most, as they proved themselves masters of the 20-minutes-a-side format. Good to see them out, now if they could just add another 40 minutes to their repertoire then we might be on to something. MOTM honors however went to someone with 120 minutes under his belt who was still able to bust out a 60 meter breakaway try, not to mention a sterling all round performance – Ben Gurney. Ah, to be young again.

Portland are resting this weekend, and return with a home fixture on 5/12 against Monadnock / Keene State Alumni / Stripers.

(brief) Amoskeag Match Report

Out of nowhere comes a day finally fit to be called Spring-like, and out of the wilderness comes a Portland side short on playing time but long on enthusiasm. Since their fitful start against Old Gold, Portland has had plenty of time to get down on themselves, but instead they came out and played against Amoskeag this past weekend with an optimism and that had been absent of late. Despite the eventual loss, the lead changed hands several times, with Portland crossing the Amoskeag line on four occasions. Had it not been for Evan’s erm..."bad day at the office" with the place kicks the scoreline might have been even closer.

The game was played at a brisk pace throughout, with Amoskeag’s open, running style of rugby contrasted with Portland’s more conventional set-piece oriented game.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this, but since it's already a week overdue, I'll keep it to just the facts. Scorers were, me, Derrik, Byron and somebody else. Portland played most of the second half a man down due to an unfortunate communications error with the ref.

The B's winning streak was finally broken, going down 17-14. Bubba scored and somebody else there also. Bubba secured MOTM honors for his efforts.

A good day out, and more glass-half-full kind of stuff. Still a poor substitute for winning.

Portland travel to Charles River tomorrow for another crack at it. Be at the Park & Ride at 9:30am if you're interested in taking part.

Amoskeag On Deck

This weekend sees us travelling to our neighbors in New Hampshire, Amoskeag. The pitch location has been confirmed as their Northeast Athletic Club/Pembroke site, directions to which can be found below. They would appear to point to a location somewhere about here, but don't take my word for it. Better to meet up and the Park & Ride across from Ballys at 9:45 tomorrow, so we can all get lost together.

Those directions:
Take 95 South to 101 West to 93 North...

Home Pitch (Northeast Athletic Club):

I-93 (North) to exit 13. South on Rte. 3 for 5 miles. Turn left onto Academy Rd. (Immediately before Pembroke Academy/Pembroke School District sign). 1 mile to the end of Academy Rd. Turn right onto Buck St., the field is on the left. (Alcohol and Dogs are not Permitted)

Weather forces the faithful inside

Due to the inclement weather (pictured), training for tonight, Tuesday the 17th has been re-routed from the Fairgrounds to Gorham Sports Center, which is an indoor facility located in, believe it or not, Gorham.

To give you time to go home and feed the cat before heading out there, we've pushed the start time back to 7pm, so be ready to go by then. For directions, click on this link.

College Cup shelved...for now

Curse you mother nature! Oh, what cruel torment!

Just when the grass was coming into view again, along comes another 4" of freshies to squash any hopes of pulling off the Maine College Cup this weekend.

The logistical challenges of staging this tornament are hard enough on a dry day, so even those of us in deepest denial have to concede that there's just no (safe) way to make this happen.

Nevertheless, there are a couple of open slots on our calendar in early May, and efforts are underway to try and postopone the whole shebang until then, by which time we hope it will have stopped snowing. So all you stoodents better re-sort your priorities and prepare to plough your finals in favor of the Maine Cup.

I'll tell you, when I was a lad it snowed all the time, and it was up hill both ways, and we couldn't afford boots, and...and...

Maine Collegiate Cup runeth over

While we might let a little snow derail our own playing plans, there will be no such accomodations this Saturday when we present the 6th Annual Maine Collegiate Cup (pictured here) in association with Hews Truck Bodies and Equipment.

Conceived of by the late, great Dom Tracey, this competition brings together the best and brightest in Maine collegiate rugby talent for a winner-takes-all deathmatch rousing display of youthful athletics. Men and women will be competing for what is in effect the State Championship, as well as a spot on the Maine Select Sides that will travel to compete in the New England Championship.

As if that weren't enough, Portland will also crash the party with a game of their own against what is shaping up to be a mixture of Stripers, Bull Moose and anyone else who wants a game. Just to get in the spirit of things, we're calling this one the championship on Maine and erm...Eastern New Hampshire. Woot!

The carnival begins (come hell or high water) at 8:30, which is uncharacteristically early for college students, but a lie in for us working stiffs. Club members of all shapes and sizes are required to attend and man the pumps (and snow shovels) since and undertaking of this magnitude doesn't come off without an under pinning of slave labor. For once, "the man" will be keeping you down for a good cause.

For (slightly) more information about this event, check out Dom's minimalist website, where two of our own can be seen gracing last year's All Star roster. Watch the stars of tomorrow, today!

Well....on Saturday, actually.

That's UM Oh, Not UM Ef

Contrary to earlier reports, it turns out that this Saturday's game is against U. Maine - Orono, not U. Maine - Farmington. Not sure if that makes a big difference to many of you, but anyway there it is.

Either way, kick off is said to be 2:30pm on Dougherty Field (aka Douglas Street).

As you were.

Sobered up by Old Gold

Portland kicked off their Spring season this past weekend, with a home game against their long time friends / adversaries Old Gold. The visitors are prepping for their play-off game against Village Lions in two weeks, so this was their second game of the season, and they had been hard at work in the gym for many months prior. By contrast this was Portland's first game of the year, and coming off only some limited outdoor training time, they took the field sporting a significant number of younger, if not newer faces since the end of their Fall campaign.

Thanks to some hard work of their own in the gym though, the Portland lads did not lack too much in the fitness area themselves, but what they clearly were in need of was playing experience; as many strong individual performances were undermined by a lack of support or cohesion. Fortunately however, all that stuff is fixable with the appropriate amount of playing time and group therapy.

Most of the game was pretty evenly contested, with Portland holding their own in the scrums and securing as much lineout ball as their opponents. It was however Old Gold who crossed the line twice, once early and once late, to give them the victory on the day. Not that Portland were without their chances, as they responded to the first score by forcing a penalty under OG's posts, which Carlos Tetzlaff duly converted, to bring the scoreline to 5-3.

Portland had two other opportunities either side of the break to sneak a 6-5 lead, but when presented with similar penalty opportunities they failed to make their kicks. Again, a lack of outdoor practice time was most likely the culprit here, and with Carlos now out for the foreseable future, an open casting call for kicker will be held shortly.

Portland should take heart in their solid defense for most of the day, with tackles being made beyond the gain line, and OG's backs well contained. A few momentary lapses of concentration made the difference, but credit to OG for taking their chances when the door was left open.

Towards the end of the game, now trailing 10-3, Portland ran the ball repeatedly, but a lack of match conditioning showed and players did not reach the breakdown in sufficient numbers, so turnovers inevitably ensued. So that's how the game ended, with the ref having given his right arm a good workout awarding a hat full of penalties on both sides. Let's give ourselves the benefit of the doubt here and say that we did at least manage two steps forward for every one back. Scotty Derrig picked up MOTM honors for being so darn squirelly.

The bright spot of the day was that the B side picked up right where they left off in the Fall, with a storming performance against a young OG B side. Fielding a large, and in some parts youthful pack, Portland took the game on up front with strong performances from Byron Brinkley and Bubba Nadeau to name just a few. Not to be out done the backs proved to be a handful themselves, with Josh Doughty continuing the hard running he displayed in the A game, and Len Rand putting in a MOTM performance on the wing.

All in all, not a dream start for Portland, but one which provided cause for optimism, given the lack of outdoor playing time we've had this year. Onwards and upwards.

UMF comes to Portland this weekend for a kick-around. More details to follow...

Old Mould coming to town

Thanks to Old Gold's shite planning, and even shiter communication an unfortunate mix up, it's been determined that the best venue to hold this weekend's game is actually going to be here in Portland. Well, at the Fairgrounds (pictured above) to be precise. So, adjust your weekend plans accordingly, knowing that you'll get a lie in on Saturday.

In order to prepare yourself for the home opener you can start off with Ballys tomorrow night for the last of those joyous fitness sessions. An hour's work, starting at 8 o'clock, to complete your transformation into a man of steel.

Next up is Thursday, where Fitzy has been set aside between 7 and 8. That's just an hour of field time so we'll be starting thing's off at 6:30 for a quick session on the track. Bring your running shoes.

The last thing you can do is complete your CIPP registration. Petulent whining from Old Gold notwithstanding, it is actually required to have some players registered in order to look respectible. At the time of writing we have just 8 of you registered, and one of those is stationed in Iraq. That's pretty pitiful. All you have to do is go to USA Rugby and then follow the links under "Join USA Rugby" or "Renewing Membership" depending on your situation. It'll set you back a mere $35 and last you all year. Please, get it done.

So to recap, that's Ballys @ 8 on Tuesday, Fitzy @ 6:30 on Thursday, Fairgrounds on Saturday and you on the USA Rugby website right now. Hooah?

It's the beach again

Due to the preeceding inclement weather and the demand on the city's one servicable field, we will be back at Higgins Beach (pictured above) again this Saturday.

The good news is that it'll be warmer than ever, so fish out your flip flops and jams and get down there for 11 o'clock in the a.m., at which time those monster waves pictured will be a long way out and we'll have the whole beach to run around on.

For directions, just go back two posts.

Fitzy opens her arms

Contrary to earlier reports, thanks to the munificence of the City, this Saturday's training has been moved from Higgins Beach to the more accomodating surroundings of Fitzpatrick Stadium (pictured above). Also, since last time I checked there were no tides to take into consideration at Fitzy, the time has been moved to a more St.Paddy's-day-bender-friendly noon time.

So, that's Fitzy at noon not Higgins at 3. Crystal?

History buffs can read this long article about just why the stadium got it's name, while training buffs can just look at this map or follow these directions depending on which side of your brain calls the shots. Be there by 11:45 at the latest on Saturday morning to give yourself time to get your boots on, stretch, chit chat etc. etc.

L'appetit vient en mangeant

It's not often that I turn to the French for inspiration, but apparently they coined this one. "Appetite comes from eating" is the rough translation, so for those of you thinking you're just not in the mood for any rugby yet, well, maybe you should try a little and you might just remember how delicious it is.

And boy do we have a steaming hot helping of rugby for you to sink your teeth into this weekend. After all that running around indoors, it's time to strap your boots on and get outside. We've arranged to have the tide sent out this Saturday morning just so there's plenty of room to run around, so get yourself down to Higgins Beach at 10 a.m. and enjoy the fun.

It actually promises to heat up a little this weekend, but still wrap up warm, and bring a change of clothes for afters, since nobody likes to sit around in wet sandy gear. For noobs to the beach scene, here are some directions on where to find Higgins. Doesn't it look all wavey and nice?

We've got a shiny new coaching staff just ready to whip mold you into to shape, so don't let them get the wrong impression of you by electing to stay in bed instead. Oh, wait...

Get the picture?

Tuesday nights, Ballys, 8pm. I don't think it gets any clearer than that.

Spring Schedule Takes Shape

With snow in the forecast its a good time to turn your thoughts to the Spring and all the fun you're going to be having playing rugby.

The most observant amongst you will notice that we've finally taken down last Fall's schedule, and the front page now shows what's in the works for the coming Spring. It's still a bit of a work in progress, while Ed works to fit in a couple more home games for us, but it gives you some idea of which weekends you need to keep free.

So far we've got 3 people who are CIPP'ed and another, mostly different, 3 people who have paid their dues. That's not going to get us where we need to be, now is it? Yeah, I know February has one less pay-day in it, but at the very least get yourself on the payment plan so that Matt doesn't have to break out his special brand of grumpy on you.

Lastly, the snow is not scheduled to start until 3am tonight/tomorrow, so that would make it a completely crap excuse for not making it to training tonight.

Miller Lite

Marcos got a new hat too
Originally uploaded by PRFC Sec..

What goes on in the off season?

People have babies, that's what.
While we had our backs turned Marcos slipped one past the goalie and came up with this little bundle of joy, who as you can see, shares his dad's love for knit caps.

Apparently his name is D. Oliver Miller-Nichols, which sounds more like a law firm to me, so lets just call him baby-dee, mkay?

Well, The Big D arrived on Jan 2nd, and weighed in at a very health 8.5 lbs. while touching the tape at 21 inches.

Jan 2nd? Well, yes, as you know that happens to be the eighth day of Christmas, which would entitle you to eight "maids a-milking" from your true love, and that comes particularly handy when you're being breastfed.

Also OTDIH? Well [deep breath] UK captures Calcutta, Georgia ratifies the Constitution, Poland is partitioned (not for the last time), the planet Vulcan is "discovered", Brigham Young is arrested for bigamy, the Russsian fleet surrenders to Japan in Port Arthur, the Liberty Ship program is announced, King Zog of Albania abdicates (no really), JFK announces his candidacy for president, the Jets sign Joe Namath, the national speed limit is lowered to 55mph to conserve gas, the Yorkshire Ripper is arrested, Stardust flies past Comet Wild 2, the Sago Mine Disaster happens and the Redwings retire Steve Yzerman's jersey [phew].

Birthdays? Isaac Assimov, Jim Bakker, Dennis Hastert, Hugh Shelton, Jack Hanna, David Cone, Tia Carrere, Cuba Gooding Jr., Christy Turlington, Tommy Morrison, Reuben Thorne and Kate Bosworth. Just to name a few.

Welcome, D-Man.

Hey, Tubby...yes, that's right, I'm talking to you.

Even though it's only just started to feel like Winter, Spring training will begin officially next week, when we start heading over to Ballys of a Tuesday night. The good folks over there have been briefed on the physical requirements of the modern-day rugby player and have been tasked with steering you in that direction. For some of you the journey is longer than others, but it's still good to travel even if you never arrive. You'll all benefit from working up a sweat and dropping a few pounds.

Ballys has been good enough to comp us the room in exchange for a little publicity, so all you have to pay for is the trainer, which will run you $7.50/week. We'll be running this gig most likely for the 8 weeks leading up to our first games, somewhere around the end of March. Sessions will last 1 hour, and will commence at 8pm sharp, so those of you who feel the need to have a "stretch and a natter" before hand should plan accordingly.

More news of the rest of the training plan, the Spring match schedule, and why it's so hard for you to pay your dues to follow shortly.

Regarding your hard earned scratch

If we're ever going to get us a David Beckham of our own, we're going to need to scare up a little cash. Sadly, due to the inexplicable evaporating nature of money, club coffers are at a their usual low levels, and it's time for you to top them up again by paying your dues.

As usual you may pay your dues online, and I shall steer you in the direction of this well worn post so that you may do so. Despite the war, the rising price of oil, weak consumer confidence and my need to find a way to pay for an iPhone, the club is able to hold dues steady again at $100 for a season's worth of fun. Heck, I can't even remember the last time dues went up.

How do we do it, you ask? Well...through a combination of conservative fiscal policy, prudent financial management and by changing the Treasurer every year so that none of them get uppity and start demanding more money.

Just a reminder that returning players are expected to cough up the full Benjamin, but should you find yourself new to the club, without a job, in college or all three, some accomodations can be made. If you fit in to any of those categories and have some playing experience, then just $50 of your birthday money will set you straight. Should you be entirely new to the sport as well as the club, then good for you, and have this first season on us.

In addition to paying your debt to the club, you also have to register yourself again as a sex rugby offender with USA Rugby. You can do that right online through this nifty link.

Once you've got both of those things taken care of, you may then consider yourself a fine upstanding member of the club, and can resume your whining with a clear conscience.

Comments take a vacation

As a vocal proponent of the open-Comment feature on the site, it pains me to say that the responsibility of rejecting your anonymous hate mail has pushed me over the edge, so it's time for a rethink.

It was an interesting exercise in democracy, and I'd love to find a way to retain the best of your humor, but I can do without the rest, and cleary it just pisses you off that I won't publish it.