Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Sweet lovin' from the Insurance Man

Hey, he's not just our Treasurer, he's also Vice President of the HCR Group, which means he's like...one step away from the top guy. Kind of like Dick Cheney.

Yes Sir-ee, and when he's not shooting his friends in the face or hiding in his bunker, Al Parks is brokering some sweet deals with The Man on his health insurance. That's right, 'cos sadly we're not blessed with universal healthcare in this country and we have to pay for the privilege of waiting for hours in the ER with all the other whack-jobs. Too bad.

Anyhoo, if you're one of the great uninsured and that's been one of your excuses for not playing, then it's time to cross that one off the list. Click this here link, and after the jump you'll be whisked away to insurance land where The Man can see you right. Be sure to use Agent Code Q0805, which is the industry code to get you into the VIP Room.

I peeped these rates myself and for a hundred bucks a month I've got coverage up the ying. That's right, just one-hundred-large, and that's for a wheezy old health-risk like me. Imagine what you healthy young pups could get away with.

If that process all sounds a bit too hi-tech, or if you're worried about that nasty pre-existing condition that just wont clear up, you can always call Al directly for a good dose of his Snake Oil professional courtesy. Here's his digits: 773-5111, then hit ext. 202.

You think if you hit x. 201 you'll get to the Prez himself? Yeah, from what I hear x. 203 gets you the secretary, and their ain't no 204. Vice President...meh!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Ooof! Old Gold takes Home Opener, City Weeps

Portland made a less-than-auspicious return to Division 2 this weekend when they dropped their home opener to Old Gold.

On paper at least it appeared as though the planets were to align in Portland's favor, with a large home turnout presenting a veritable red sea of shirts to welcome the smaller Old Gold contingent. Sadly though the numbers belied a lack of cohesion on the part of the home side, as they failed to string together much in the way of multi-phased play and Old Gold, through tenacious tackling, did well to shut down the Portland offense.

Things started brightly enough for Portland as they opened the scoring when someone (Hannes?) broke away from a maul five meters out from the OG line. A typical Portland try that may have fooled the home side into thinking that things were going to go according to the script. On the contrary. Old Gold soon regained their composure and mounted a concerted counter attack, using their forwards to attack off the fringes of the rucks and mauls to great effect. Before long the pressure told, and the inevitable OG overload ensued. Despite OG's protestations of poor fitness in their own match report (not to mention beating me to the anti-French Henry IV reference), Portland proved even less fit as defensive alignment broke down quickly after just a couple of phases of play.

As a result OG were able to run in two scores of their own before the half, giving them a comfortable, but not insurmountable 12-5 lead.

Tip-toeing gently through the minefield of substitutions made throughout the game, I will say that the second half opened at least with the slope in Portland's favor, so the game was still very much alive.

To their credit, Old Gold did well to snuff out any attempts at a Portland fight back. Tenacious tackling meant that Portland frequently failed to make the gain-line and too often resorted to some aimless kicking down the throats of the waiting opponents. Counter attacks ensued, and precious energy was wasted clawing back the yards lost.

Another Old Gold score widened the gap to 17-5, but with 10 minutes to go, Scotty Derrig found the try line from the fringe of a Portland ruck and Andy Nelson made the conversion to bring the score to 17-12, and for a moment it looked as though the home side was in with a shout.

Alas, Portland's bubble was soon burst as they gave up a penalty deep in their own half, only to see Old Gold deliver the donkey punch and make it a two-score lead with less than 10 minutes to go. Portland simply didn't have the fitness to mount a serious counter attack from there, and the game ended like the final scenes from Rocky, with both sides struggling to stay on their feet as they traded blows. Unlike Rocky however, there will be no sequel and no Mr-T to beat on next time. 20-12 the final, with Man of the Match honors going to Jeff Keating, for tackling like the rest of us ought to.

The B game did however offer up some consolation, not least because Old Gold didn't have enough extras to muster up even a sevens team and had to suffer the indignity of looking to us for extras. In addition to the grovelling, our B's proceeded to lay the hurt down, and despite a late fight back from the Old Gold/Bates motleys, we romped home with something to spare. Man of the Match honors went to the Midfield General, Matt Winch, from bringing together a bunch of new faces and steering them in the right direction.

Thanks to all those who came out to play and support the side, and apololgies to all those same folks for the result. The season is still young however, with plenty of rugby to play, so watch this space for more positive news.

Portland travels to Providence this weekend for more D2 style lovin'