Money, Money, Money!

Let's recap. Right now there are about a hundred different things that the club needs your money for, so here's a little summary to ease the parting with your hard earned scratch.

Club Jerseys

I am reliably informed by my man in Argentina that the jerseys you all ordered will be on their way next week, and right now only about three people have paid. Click here to get it out of the way. $40 each.

Banquet

To pull this off Jerry needs numbers and he needs cash. Even fewer people have paid for the banquet. Get on it. $30 each please.

Indoor Practice

Some of you (Matt Boyer) never gave me $5 to help off set the cost of training at Turfs on Thursday. Be a stand up guy and put that to rights.

Donations

If you've got any money left over, click here to get rid of it. You'll find being pennyless so liberating.

Dues Subscription Program

Get a jump on next year's dues by signing up for our payment plan of $16.67 each month. Less than the cost of your crack addiction.

Whaa! I don't wanna play Portland!

Thanks to NERFU and their gay, “everyone’s a winner” D3 playoff system, the season endures it’s most pointless weekend, where the “haves” go back and remind the “have nots” just what their missing out on.

The Wolfhounds and their “all-universe” backline will take on Middlesex. Seacoast will take on MIT (again). The only other competitive team in the league, Mad River, is on double-secret probation. And in the one game that might actually be too close to call, North Shore hike up to the Mountaineers for the battle of 4th vs. 5th seed.

Meanwhile, we are left to twiddle our thumbs this weekend, because surprise, surprise, the 8th seed in this lopsided league doesn’t really feel like coming to Portland again for another hiding, and to be honest, who can blame them? In another shocking turn of events, at least perhaps to the league, the 9th, 10th and 11th place teams didn’t actually fancy playing us either.

All this has me asking myself just why D3 is the only NERFU men’s league to put itself through this pointless end-of-season ritual?

In professional sports, more games equals more revenue, so I could understand the need to protract the season as long as possible, just like the NBA. But, in the dirt track rugby that we all play here in D3, more games usually equals more money lost. I know Seacoast have blown money on forfeited matches at Amesbury, we’ve laid out our own share for buses and practice fields, and I would guess that most of the sides in the league have experienced “negative cash-flow” with every game.

Consider the poor referees too. The league has made it crystal clear that there is a chronic shortage of refs so, once again, why put them through another week of one-sided matches and dodging projectiles?

My guess is that the logic is, or was, that in a geographically dispersed league such us ours, asking everyone to play everyone else would be too much of a strain, and the only way to find out the best side is to have a shorter season to separate the goats from the sheep, and then have all the goats play each other for the top spot. But, with eight sides making the playoffs, it appears we have a few sheep in goats clothing (how’s that for a mixed metaphor?).

True, an 11 game schedule would suck, especially for the side that draws road trips to Albany, Mad River and the Mountaineers (no offense guys, but you caan’t get theyah from heeyah). But it begs the question of why are there 12 teams in D3 to begin with?

Again, back in the day, when D3 was created that was probably the only place to put the wannabe’s and also-rans that we all are. Now however, thanks to the growth of rugby as the thinking-man’s contact sport, it looks as though there are at least a handful of respectable clubs looking for a game in D4. Couple them with the bottom four clubs from D3, and they’d have themselves a nice little league going on. That leaves D3 as a proper 8 team league, with a 7 week schedule, undisputed winners and no need for inter-league playoffs (just like D1 and D2).

Now all this might sound a bit like sour grapes from a side that wants things to end just the way they are. I’m sure Seacoast and the Wolfhounds still think they have a shot, bless ‘em, and no doubt they’re grateful for the playoffs. But, I’m also guessing that as they run up the score on MIT and Middlesex they’ll be wondering what this weekend was all in aid of. At the very least we could have all been getting on with the semi-final games to set up the D3 Dog’s Dinner Bowl for next week.

Well, as they say, opinions are like…., well, they’re not hard to come by, and I don’t consider myself a genius for having pointed out the flaws in D3 (there are other reasons why I do though), and for NERFU to have had some foresight may have been too much to hope for. But let us all pray that, whoever wins it this year, NERFU listens to the clubs and fixes this dopey system for good.

Thursday Practice

This Thursday's practice has been moved indoors, to Turfs (aka Jokers) from 7pm to 9pm. Be there promptly to take full advantage of the time, since it ain't cheap. Also, be prepared to cough up some scratch to off set the bill.

All I know about the weekend is that it's Saturday at 1pm, hopefully at Fox Street. It looks like Rutland have already pulled out, so we're trolling the depths of the league to find some other opposition.

Banquet

Whatever happens for the rest of the season, you're going to want to get together at the end and spin a few yarns about it all, and you're going to want to wear a tie while you're doing it, and that's why we have the banquet.

This year Jerry McQueeny is chairman, secretary, treasurer and entire staff of the banquet organization committee, and since he's a card-carrying grown up, it's sure to be a bang up affair. November 12th is the designated date and the Portland Harbor Hotel is willing to let us in their broom closet for a few hours, from 7 onwards.

Clear your diaries, clip on your tie, rent a girlfriend or dust off the wife, it's going to go off, for $30 per head.

For those of you who like to get paying for things out of the way early (ha! ha! ha! as if!), here's a helpful little button you can click. Cheers Al.

Middlesex-ual disfunction

On the face of it, Saturday's resounding win over Middlesex was just the way to end the season. A scoreline of 45-5 with all cylinders firing, gracious and hospitable hosts, and a bus full of beer and song. A genuine good night out with the lads.
Truely, the Amesbury facility is one sweet setup, and despite some initial misgivings about the artificial turf, even that turned out to be a pleasant experience.

As we arrived at the ground Seacoast was just wrapping up their demolition of the Mountaineers, which literally seemed like a case of men against boys. However, when you take that young team, add a dash of Portland Old Boys, a splash of Portland B's and simmer over stiff breeze you have more than a match for Seacoast Old Boys. Tim McMahon and Greg Hogan flew the flag for the senior contingent up front, while Ed and Marcos whipped the young backline into shape. Matt and Leo also pitched in to add some backbone. I've no clue what the final score was, but I'd say that the Portland/Mountaineer/Potsdam U. side came out comfortably on top.

After that, it was on with the lights, and on with the main event. Portland came out confidently, and for the first period at least they were disciplined and well drilled. The scoring opened quickly, with Matt Boyer touching down off a line out, and this was quickly followed when Tom Zabriskie scored his first try for the club off a nice pass from Jerry Alves. Andy made his first conversion of the night, starting a pretty prolific 5-of-7 night.

It wasn't too long before Portland threatened again, as they mauled their way close before Tractor broke loose and touched down in the corner. Freddy was next up, breaking through the Middlesex line and covering more than half the pitch to touch down under the post. Andy does the business, and it's 24-0.

Then Middlesex went and spoiled the party with a sneaky little try of their own, peeling round the front of a lineout after a short, oh yes, very short throw, and touching down in the corner. At the restart however Portland soon re-applied the pressure, so much so that Middlesex were forced to do something illegal (the exact nature of which I can't recall) and gave up a penalty try, 31-5.

As the first half drew to a close the level of yap from Portland began to increase, rivalling a bunch of Kindergartners who haven't had outside recess in a month. One of the problems of having so much experience on the side is that it becomes hard for everyone to resist the temptation to share their experience with everyone, on every occaision. But hey, that's enough of my own whining. Despite all the yelling, Portland managed a couple more scores in the second half, with Dean scoring a breakaway try of his own and Freddy closing out the night with his second. Andy ices them both, and that all adds up to 45. More yelling, more flinging the ball about, but no more scores.

Thanks to Middlesex for putting up with us at their drink up, and thanks to the bus driver for his patience. Massive props to Jeff Keating for grinding his axe all the way home and for being able to deliver at least four bars of just about any song that was yelled at him.

Playoffs start next week, and as of the time of writing, it looks like Rutland will be the opposition (again). As you may remember, they've already made the trip to Portland once this season, and I'm guessing the road is going to seem even longer this time. Stay tuned for official confirmation of Saturday's opposition.