Rock Pile Recap

Sorry for the delay. I've just been waiting to put the appropriate amount of time and distance between ourselves and the Bull Moose Tournament so that we can all have a laugh about it now.

I'm not sure we're there yet, but J-Wil wants me to tell everyone how he owes me a c-note, so here goes.

The Bull Moose Tournament usually marks the official end to the Spring Season, and for most of us it couldn't come a moment too soon. In past years Portland has always performed pretty well at this get together, although having always been drawn against Mystic River in the first game, the final had, up until this year, eluded us.

By contrast to all the other rainy, freezing days I've complained about, the weather this weekend was particularly warm. I'd even go so far as to say that it was too bloody hot to play rugby in. Yeah, I know, I never seem to be satisfied with the weather, but rugby is a game that was invented in a country that is perpetually 48 degrees, and as such is perfectly suited for that climate. A few degrees in either direction and the whole thing becomes a whole lot less enjoyable (for me), with too much time being spent worrying about how to avoid frostbite or heat exhaustion, depending of the direction of your mercury.

So, despite conditions better suited to sucking down frozen hooch, there was some good news for Portland in that Mystics were in the other "A Division" pool, and we were instead lumped in with South Shore and Uconn. It soon became apparent however that not every side had showed up in force, with Old Gold pussy-ing out the night before, and Charles River & South Shore having to join forces with other assorted renegades to play all of their games as a hybrid team. This of course meant that while we played our first round game, Mystics would be enjoying a bye in some shady spot.

Our first match was to be against the aforementioned "Charles Shore", who despite only having been thrown together on the day of the game, proved to be no pushover. Or were Portland just making their typical slow start? I dunno. To be fair, Portland was fielding a few new faces of their own, but either way, we had to come from behind twice to win the game, which displayed some good character on our part. Scoreline anyone? I want to say 27-23, but I don't know why.

Anyway, job done, now on to those young tykes from Uconn.

Despite the fact that Uconn was shut out in a 20-odd point Portland victory, I have to give credit (in a very patronizing way) for their aggressive play and their total inability to know when they were beaten. No doubt that on the college circuit they are a pretty formidable side, but that extra 20 lbs. a man that they gave up proved to be a little too much to handle (even if those love handles don't look so flattering on most of our backline).
Uconn made us work for our win, no doubt, and worse still, we lost one-third of our front row when Tractor got himself red-carded for his fancy footwork at the edge of a ruck. Worse still, the remaining two-thirds of our front row also evaporated shortly after the game, claiming that they had needy fathers who needed appreciating the following day. Evan also gave me his puppy dog eyes and told me he was headed home and would "call me in the morning", which meant that was the last we would be seeing of him. Depending on your perspective, despite two wins and a place in final, the Portland glass had quickly gone from half full to half empty.

Of course, if you've learned anything from these match reports by now, it's that Portland doesn't leave glasses empty for too long, and despite team uncertainties for the following day, everyone soon began "re-hydrating" themselves with whatever beer they could lay their hands on.

The majority of the team had chosen to camp out in some bug-infested forest, and that just had bad news written all over it. A few others opted for a hotel room, while the smartest ones went home for the night, removing themselves from any temptation whatsoever.

Since my attorney has advised me not to discuss any pending litigation, I shan't go in to any detail regarding any alleged events that took place that night, and will refer any enquiries to the appropriate authorities.

Back to the tournament...

Well, if Saturday was hot, Sunday was hotter. 97 degrees by midday in the cauldron of the Attitash fields. Perfect weather for doing anything but playing rugby. However, there was the small matter of Mystics in the final, who had enjoyed the easier road to get there, and who no doubt had had a quieter night as well.

Fortunately some well place phone calls the night before had provided us with some much needed reinforcements, and many thanks are due to Jimmy Hendricks, Matt Burgess, Frenchie and Tim McMahon for trekking out to North Conway for what was certain to be a sizzler, both literally and metaphorically.

But, despite the fresh(ish) players, with the hangovers, soaring temps, and me still down a hundy, you could probably see where this was headed.

In a role reversal from the day before, Portland got themselves on the end of a shut out all of their own as the well drilled and well rested Mystics did their thing. Hopefully they would call us scrappers to the end, but not in that patronizing way like I did with UConn. Anyway, by the time it was all over we were just glad that it was. Mystics took home the hardwear for the umpteenth year in a row. I bet all that china looks good on display when the other D1 sides come over to play.

"Oh hey, nice trophies, you guys must be really good"

"Uh...yeah, that's all from Bull Moose. There's like, er...two and a half D2 clubs that go to that, and some college kids."

"Er...that's, er...great. What's that in the way back? 6th place in D1? Sweet".

Well, as you can see, I'm not bitter at all. Just a hundred dollars poorer.