Practice tonight at the Fox, at half-past six. I got lots of stickers, so come on down.

In case you haven't heard, Leo has 2-3 extra tickets to next week's Patriots pre-season run around with the Eagles. 15 yard line, second row, third level, since you asked. Wot, no seat numbers? Like the stand-up guy that he is, he's only asking face value for these tickets, which is only $65. But wait...this also includes a ride down, but I'm guessing it will be in the Civic, not the Envoy.

Anyway, Leo loves to get lots of e-mail, so if you recon that face value is a little steep for these tickets, e-mail him here with your best offer. Or failing that you can just go round his house and watch the game on his 50" plasma set while he's not there.

August 3rd, on this day in history, about half an hour ago, I quit my craptacular job. So it's goodbye to that pride swallowing paycheck, and hopefully on to a better one. I feel a little bit guilty for all the time I spent in the bathroom playing Tetris on my phone. But they ought to be sorry for the eleven months of my life they stole. I'll never get those back.

In a similar vein, on this same day in 1914 Germany declared war on France, proving they're not all bad. But then they had to go and get everyone else involved and spoil it for the rest of us. 8.5 million deaths later and France was still there. Trust me, you're not alone in thinking it was all pretty pointless then. For the league table on other 20th century acts of human futility, click here. Dubya doesn't even make the Top 20.

In a completely different vein, August 3rd 1946 saw the foundation of the National Basketball Association by a bunch of short, white men. We all know how that ended up.

For a summary of the major issues in this year's political debate, check this out. Other than that, practice will be held again this Thursday at Fox Street. 6:30pm is the designated hour. There are just six weeks to our first game, so if you're not already doing something to get in shape, it's about time you started.

You don't have to be large to be the Alpha Male.

So let the list making begin. Alpha Males we all know and love:

James Bond (of course)
Maximus Decimus Meridius
Bambi's Dad
Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore (Apocolypse Now)
Henry Rollins
Gengis Khan
George Patten
Gordon, The Big Blue Engine
Yellowstone Wolf #195
Ernest Hemingway
Brett Favre
Batman

Who else you got? Let me know. E-mail or write it on the back of a twenty and mail it to me.

Still struggling to understand the concept of the Alpha Male?
Per dictionary.com it means: a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, especially animals.
Not sure if you really qualify? Take the test all the chimps are taking to figure it out.
Still not getting it? See this picture? You should be the dog with his tail in the air, while the other dog demonstrates a classic submissive position. This should resemble a typical day for you. That dog way in the background plays for Old Gold.

Gents, the Reggae Cruise is fast approaching and there are still tickets to be sold. Get out there and pimp it. See J-Wil at the Deli if you need extra tickets. We need to sell all of these to turn a profit.

"Sevens" tomorrow. Fox Street, 6:30pm. It's called that, because there's meant to be seven on each side. If you don't turn up, we won't be able to call it sevens, see? "Fours" anyone?

I know that you've all been wondering for a long time whatever happened to that Bumper Sticker idea that I had. Well, let me tell you that after much deliberation it is time to announce the winner.
 
I would like to say that I was overwhelmed with entries, but in all only about seven of you had any bright ideas. I can only assume that the rest of you didn't have any ideas, and will be happy with the final selection.
 
Anyway, down to business. Of the entries received, they ranged from the predictable (blood, gore, lobsters etc) through long-winded to downright obscure. What I was looking for was something that was accessible to the general public, while at the same time demonstrating our wit, charm and natural superiority to ordinary mortals. However funny some of the inside jokes may have been, I doubt that they would have done much to attract new members.
 
Firstly, honorable mention goes to James Canon, who sent a number of creative entries, including these two crackers that are an obvious reflection of his current state of mind:
"Eat Carbs, Play Rugby"
"Rugby: another great reason to stay single"
 
In the end, the honors go to the bumper sticker savant, Matt Burgess. Out of the swath of strange and non-sensical entries that he sent me came this gem that I hope you will all appreciate:
 
Portland Rugby
Alpha Males since 1969
 
I chose this one because of the very subtle way it which it says "we're better than you are". No doubt this will inflame feminists, tree huggers and beta-males everywhere, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? The right type of guy is going to be challenged by such a statement, and the right type of gal is going to want to get herself impregnated by one of these Alpha males. Everybody wins! (including the gene pool).
 
Stickers are on order, so it's too late to launch a protest. If you want something different, then I'll put you in touch with my source and you can get your own bloody stickers.
 
On other business, Leo Caouette invites you to his house on Sunday night to watch the Eagles vs. France. He has a big new 50" telly that he wants to show you. Hmmm....do you think he might be compensating for something? Anyway, try not to get plasma all over the front of your trousers when you see it. It's bring your own beer and food, and possibly seating. Don't be surprised if you have to chip in for electricity. The game starts at 9pm, and you are not welcome before 8pm, and whatever you do, do not repeatedly e-mail him here to rsvp and ask other inane questions about what to wear, directions, team selections, availability of surround sound etc.