Proving emphatically that there really is too much of a good thing, a spirited Holmes Chapel side had their boozy past catch up with them Wednesday night, when, despite early promise, they faded in the evening sun to a more properly hydrated Portland team.
Employing typical homeside sabotage, Portland had ensured that the home side was well supplied with beer the previous night at the welcome reception, hosted by our gracious sponsors, Gritty's. Resembling a gang of comic-book burglars in their black & white stripey shirts, the Holmes Chapel touring party arrived at the reception already the worse for wear from their day out in Boston. A few beers seemed to breath new life in to them however, and they were soon organizing their Kangaroo Court to administer justice on tour miscreants. Thanks to an anonymous tip, they also singled out the man-child Francis for his puffy eye/knee stories, and yours truly got himself a drink just for being the poor mug with his name attached to the invite.
Soon the Chapel boys were in full song, showing us all what true singing sounds like, as opposed to Tractor getting on a table and shouting the words to the S&M Man, while nearby listeners lost their lunch thanks to the anything-but-subtle lyrics. Holmes Chapel Choir 1, Portland Howling Chorus 0. Despite their apparent revulsion however, the tourists were soon mingling freely and socializing. Even J-Wil managed to find his emotional soul mate on the Holmes Chapel team, and a lively discussion ensued, comparing their respective playing skills, and the ever escalating stakes on making or avoiding contact the following day. Ahhh, rugby...the international language of brotherly love.
Having beat a relatively early retreat, I'm only going by second hand reports that the proceedings became increasingly rowdy, until it was again left to Ryan Facey to let us know when things had gone too far. Like some kind of alcoholic barometer, Ryan can be relied upon to turn belligerent and do something (self) destructive when its time for everyone to go home. This time however, instead of throwing up on his teammates, he managed to impale himself on a glass, and then do his best to resist medical attention. Fortunately for Ryan however, he always forgets the scary bits, so is ready to do it all again the next day.
Thus ended the reception, although I'm told that many of the HC boys continued on the sauce in to the wee small hours. Huge thanks are due to Richard Pfeffer and his patient staff at Gritty's, who showed us all much hospitality, regardless of the risk of scaring away their regular patrons.
So while the tourists were sleeping off their hangovers, many of the rest of us were forced in to work the next day to prop up a desk and shuffle papers around in effort to look busy. I'm sure my boss was particularly proud of me for fielding a steady stream of rugby-related calls all day, at the expense of any real work getting done. First came the, "who was most messed up?" calls (you already know the answer to that one), followed by the early afternoon "what time is kick off" calls (Look on the website!), then come the late afternoon "I can't play / can't make it on time" calls (WTF?).
Nevertheless, the perfect evening weather was able to dispel most of my residual grumpiness from taking all those calls, and as the Portland players arrived it was time to piece together a team from those present.
Once the side had been appropriately attired and stretched, the Chapel boys kicked off to the cheers of their assembled subs and sundry tourists. Right away they came out at a sprint, spinning the ball wide and displaying some menacing pace. Sure enough the on-rushing Portland defense left some inviting holes, and one missed tackle let through a Chapel player unmolested to score under the posts. Portland were able to bounce back a little and slot over a penalty, but no sooner had they done so than the tourists scored again, opening up an ominous 12-3 lead.
Time for Portland to knuckle down and secure some possession. Thanks to a couple of penalties we were able to work our way down the touchlines to set up the first of several tries that were to come either directly or indirectly as a result of Portland's lineout dominance. Grinding our way back in to the game, the home side was able to muster two tries in the first half, bringing the scoreline at the break to more respectable 15-12 in our favor.
Portland's control of the game continued in the second half with several more scores widening the gap, but as usual most of their scorer's names escape me. Hannes had a brace I think, and maybe Evan, Scotty Derrig and Fred Hayman all chipped in. My theory is that if you know who scored all the tries, then you're getting lost in the details and not thinking far enough ahead.
Anyway, despite being unaccustomed to the heat, and with all the dehydration sending their blood-alcohol content to dangerous levels, Holmes Chapel were not out of it, as they continued to produce solid ball from the scrums and swing it wide. This eventually paid of for them as they were to release their speedy wing around the end of the Portland defense, giving him a clear 40 yd. run in to the try zone at the stroke of full time. With the conversion made, the final scoreline was something like 30-odd to 19, in Portland's favor. All good stuff.
Afters were to be found at Fore Play, where everyone was a little more subdued than they had been the night before. Still, once the beer started flowing and the pizza all gone we all found the energy for a few speeches and some general gift swapping. Big ups were given to HC Captain-on-the-day, Gary Cottam and 1st Team Captain and Tour Organizer/Grownup, Mike Corfield. A token of our affection was also presented to the Holmes Chapel President Dai Dowden, who seemed to have lost his voice...a rare condition for a Welshman. We also gave thanks to their medical officer, Rod Morgan-Smith, who patched Ryan back up the previous night, and to their Man of the Match, fleet-of-foot Outside Center, Pat Kennedy.
Our own man of the match was Scotty Derrig, who deservedly broke the Hannes streak, and did an admirably job "taking his medicine".
So all in all another good night, and grand couple of days. Holmes Chapel proved themselves to be a top bunch of lads, and have placed themselves firmly on the list of Portland Rugby Club BFF's. Given our normal antisocial outlook, that's an exclusive list indeed.
After leaving Portland, Holmes Chapel have headed up to Farmington, and no doubt have already run out of things to do. Not all of Maine can be as hospitable as Portland.
Godspeed lads. Come back and see us again soon.
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