"Go back to D2"

…so spoke the Rutland captain at the drink up after last Saturday’s resounding victory. Well, yes, we fully intend to, and after this performance Portland has every reason to feel optimistic about their chances of doing so. There is of course the small matter of winning the rest of our games, then the playoffs etc. and then receiving the blessings of the NERFU politburo… But, as they say at FEMA, “baby steps”.

Portland were always going to be the better looking side in their new kit, but in rugby the clothes do not maketh the man, so it was going to take a bit more than shiny shirts to see off the Rutland side.

The early going was not particularly pretty with several Portland players growing wide-eyed at the site of the try line, only to be cut down short, leaving exasperated players open outside them. Soon however the home team settled in to doing what it does best – driving mauls and pushover tries. The first score came inevitably from a 5-meter lineout, with Hannes scoring the first of his four tries of the day. Given that most of these type of scores come pretty close to the touch line, Andy Nelson had his work cut out for him on the conversions all day. Despite many good efforts he finished with just 4 out of 10 attempts, plus one penalty.

The exact sequence of the tries has already been lost to history, for despite all of those people on the touchline, still nobody bothers to write anything down. Anyway, what I do remember from the first half is a breakaway try for Matt Winch, vindicating the banana defense, another score for Hannes from a set penalty (more props to coach) and probably at least one more pushover try.

The second half continued in much the same vein, although as the score increased, many of the Portland players eschewed hard work in favor of glory, standing off from rucks and watching loose ball bobble around rather than getting their hands dirty cleaning it up. In the end this belief that “someone else will take care of it” took its toll as Rutland scored after several botched attempts to clear our own lines.

Nevertheless, that was the only time that Rutland troubled the score keepers (that’s obviously a metaphor, since I already pointed out that there were no bloody score keepers), with the game finishing at 61-7 in Portland’s favor. The home side scored ten tries in all, with four to Hannes, one to Matt and one to Scott Derrig, who this time capped another solo effort with a more modest one handed touch down. I managed to trundle over for another score (no, I’m not still bitter about that comment), so that still leaves another four tries unaccounted for. If I’ve left you out, please be sure to let me know so I can post a retraction, hire a skywriter or something like that.

A side man-of-the-match honors went to Scott Derrig, who definitely punched above his weight downing his drinks. Other notable performances from my perspective include Fred Hayman for breaking so many tackles in his new shirt, Jeff Keating for his first half hustle (I’ve still got his cleat marks on my back to prove it) and of course to all forwards everywhere, because you’re my boys.

The B game proved to be brief but eventful as it broke out into a (good natured?) feud between Tractor and Francis. I believe that Tractor may have edged that one after scoring his own breakaway try and capping it with some try-zone shenanigans that would have made Terrell Owens blush (wot, no Sharpie?). Last I heard, Francis had decided to bypass the drink up to work on his appeal to NERFU.

Portland have a bye on 10/1 and then host Wolfhounds-C on 10/8. See you all there.