Download Your Spring Schedule

In order to avoid all of those, "the dog ate my training schedule" lame excuses, you can now download an up-to-date copy at any time by just clicking on this simple link. You can also do the same thing from our home page.



One less reason to sit on the couch while your good years pass you by.

4,325,459 to go.

Donate

For those of you wishing to make a contribution to the flowers we sent to the wake for Tractor's dad, or to help the club make a charitable donation in memory of both Tractor and Mike Quinlan's recently departed family members, please click below.

Any amount, no matter how small, is welcome. Thanks.

Poor Old Johnny

Spare a thought for those lucky English kids who instead of having to watch Friday Night Slimetime and Spongebob Squarepants are instead blessed with episodes of the wholesome yet dull "Johnny's Hotshots".

For those of you unfamiliar with this high point in television history, the accident-prone Johnny Wilkinson, who's barely played more than 80 minutes of rugby since the World Cup in 2003, gets to share his wisdom and knowledge with a bunch of mute 10-year olds. Well, injury-time-drop-goal-kicking-hero he may be, but TV personality he ain't. Poor old Johnny delivers his top tips with all the charisma of mortician, while the kids are left to shift around waiting for their turn. No wonder all the kids in England prefer sniffing glue and smashing up bus shelters.

But its not all fun, games and a rugby masterclass. We also get to learn a little about the real Johnny through his video profile. Johnny shares such intimate secrets as his favorite food (fruit scones) and his favorite colors (grey and brown). Phew, never let it be said that this guy was a one-trick pony. Grey and brown! What a character!

I understand that as a follow up the BBC has planned an all-action series of "Stamp Collecting with Johnny". I can't wait!

Despite my digs, Johnny's show does provide some useful tips on the basics, albeit with a monotone delivery. So, if can keep yourself awake, you might all still learn a little from Sensei Johnny. Otherwise we'll have to trade you in for a 10-year old English kid.

...like Evan.

Pics up the ying

I've finally gotten around to uploading all the great pics that Jes took during the Fall, so check them out in the Gallery.
I've used up all my bandwidth for the month, so you'll have to wait 'til next month for the Final with the Wolfhounds and pics from the Lobster Dip. Try to contain yourselves.

Spring Fever

As you can see, the new Spring Schedule has been tentatively published, based on what we know today about playoffs and the possibility of getting back to D2 for the Fall. At the time of writing, NERFU is still screwing-the-pooch about whether to expand D2 to accommodate 9 or 10 teams, or for us to challenge the last place team (apparently Newport) in a playoff. If the latter comes to pass, then this could see us playing Newport on April Fools Day and moving Seacoast to the week before. Fortunately we play Seacoast on the cushy artificial pitch in Amesbury, so either way we are guaranteed some game time prior to our home playoff with Hudson Valley, which takes place on the same day as the Maine Collegiate Tournament.

Hopefully by now you've got a sense that it's going to be a busy, and competitive Spring, so all the more reason for you to get in the gym now so you can take full advantage of the precious indoor field time that we have reserved. If you didn't receive a copy of the training schedule I mailed out, drop me a line and I'll make sure you have a copy to stick on your fridge so that you might think twice before you reach for that second helping of ice cream.

Also, as I mentioned, the Portland Athletic Club (in Falmouth) is offering a $22-a-month, no contract, no monthly minimum deal to club members. Since this is where we'll be having our weekly fitness sessions, and you'll have to pay a few bucks extra to attend if you're not a member, this'll practically pay for itself. Besides, nothing gets you off the couch like a workout buddy, so sign up and call someone out. Again, drop me a line and I'll peep you the details on this sweet hookup.

Lastly, the geeks among you will have noticed that we have a midweek fixture lined up for late May. This is against a UK touring side, Holmes Chapel, who are apparently just down the road from that other touring side who came over a few years back. If you got the their website and sign up for their message board, you'll see that they're practically wetting their pants in excitement already, and they don't get here for another five months. I'm sure you'll let them know how excited you are about meeting them too.

So that's a quick update. Put down the remote, the pint glass and the bong and get some exercise.

Under New Management

So, all the speeches have been made, the soap boxes stacked away, and we can close the books on the AGM for another year. So OK, yeah, maybe in previous years it might have been possible to hold the annual club vote-up in a phone booth, but not this year. Last Tuesday we had at least a full side, with a couple of subs at half-time, and a healthy debate was guaranteed.

Under Old Business, a quick review of the club finances confirmed that our crack habit has gotten way out of hand, and that we are going to have to start stealing money out of our mum's purse to help make ends meet. While income was on a par with previous years, the lousy climate and my penchant for shiny polyester ensured that we blew all that we had and more on indoor training facilities and fancy foreign kit. Nevertheless, the results speak for themselves; a successful Fall season, with the team never having looked so dashing.

Anyway once that depressing news was out of the way, it was on to the more animated part of the evening, namely, the elections. First up was President, and with Fred stepping down to attend to his new family, Jerry McQueeny was elected in an uncontested race. Jerry ran on a platform of major fundraising and spending ever more time out of the house. He made a good start on the scratch-front with a significant financial pledge already in the bag, so I can only assume his kids will have forgotten his name by this time next year.

Secretary was next in rotation, and another uncontested race, with yours truly getting by with another year's undetected crime. So far, so good. Efficiency - 2; Democracy - Nil.

Treasurer almost promised to offer our first contest with both Al Parks and Ed Lutjens being nominated, but the discussion was short lived and Al now has the difficult task of cutting up the credit cards and cancelling our charge account at Neiman Marcus. I guess those Manolo Blahnik rugby cleats will have to wait another year.

Nevertheless, we were making good progress and it looked as though we would be in the pub by 7:30.

The position of Captain however proved to be a little more time consuming, with three nominees being put forward: the incumbent, Jason Willey; Hannes Bouwer and myself. After a brief cross-examination of each candidate by the electorate we were banished upstairs to wait for the white smoke. Hannes got an early reprieve, no doubt for being too fit and too talented, so that left Jay and I to sweat it out. After some interminable debate and a close run vote, it ended up that I would "assume the position" for the coming year.

Joking aside, before going any further I need to stop and recognize the great effort and sacrifice made by both Jason and Fred in the past year. Twelve months ago they were at the helm of a club that was at possibly the lowest ebb in its history. A good time to cut and run, you might think. But instead, these guys stepped up and slowly but surely they were able to turn things around and restore dignity and self-belief to the club and to the team. As a servant of the club myself, I am under no illusions about the gritty and unglamorous nature of their task. We owe them all a huge debt of gratitude.

So, anyway, pathos aside, the mathmaticians amongst you may have notice that someone now had two jobs, and that just ain't good for business. Fortunately Ed came to the rescue and agreed to relieve me of all my secretarial duties, minus the blogging, which was pretty much all there was to begin with. So, in order to give him something to sink his teeth in to, it was decided to roll up the duties of Fixture Secretary with regular Secretary, to make some kind of uber-Secretary, complete with lazer heat vision. As mentioned, I still get to vent, er...I mean, update you on club events, largely because real therapy wasn't covered under my insurance on account of a "pre-existing condition".

But I digress. The only other electable position for the night was Selector, and three able candidates were put up in Jerry A., Matt and Fred. After a brief debate, Jerry got the nod, and thus the voting was brought to a close. After that, a few other subjects such as fundraising and recruitment were discussed, but only in a half-hearted kind of way, since most people seemed ready to pack it in and get a drink. As in most years, a bunch of people volunteered to help out in these areas, usually hoping that there names will have been forgotten by the time the next AGM rolls around. I'll spare them any ignominy but not publishing their names here.

My own notes started to get a little sketchy by this point of the evening, and after a brief discussion about our new closer relationship with the women's team, it was decide to leave the finer points of this and pretty much every other issue to the Exec. and head off down the boozer. A motion to close was made, and I don't think I heard the "second" under all the noise of scraping chairs.