Gimme an 'A', Gimme a 'G', Gimme an 'M'

…put it all together and you get your once-a-year opportunity to decide who’s going be annoying the league, giving the speeches, picking the teams, writing the blogs and bugging you for dues next year.

Everyone with aspirations for public office, an interest in the club or who just has a hard-on for democracy should attend, since it is your future being discussed. There are a million other clichés about why you need to get out and vote, but MTV already stole them all.

Any of you with (serious) issues you want to raise or bright ideas you want to put forward (and follow through on) are encouraged to contact me ahead of time so I can add you to the agenda.

Other highlights include:
· A review of the club’s financial statements (including naming names on who still owes us)
· One-million-and-one good ideas to raise money (and why they fail)
· The “who doesn’t have a job yet?” associate club rep. electathon
· A report from last years associate club reps. (blink and you miss it)
· Girls who are hot for a guy who exercises his prerogative
· By-law trivia bingo
· Your chance to say “I second that”, like you’re somebody
· “Proxy” jokes

…and many more back-room, political machinations.

One City Center is the location, and Tuesday Nov. 29th (next Tuesday) at 7pm is the designated time.

Choose or loose.

Grrrrr…..curse you MTV!

I gots your jersey but I don't gots your money. How come?

Blingy New Jersey
Originally uploaded by PRFC Sec..

At long last the first order of extra team jerseys is here, and I'm just aching to get them to you. But not before you've coughed up forty large.

Fix it with the button below, and meet me at Gritty's this Thursday @ 6:30 to complete the transaction (or you can pay me cash on the night, but e-mail me at least to let me know you're coming).

Prize Patrol.

Fred cheers on the winners.
Originally uploaded by PRFC Sec..

This past Saturday saw the 2005 Season lain to rest with the annual banquet, held at the Portland Harbor Hotel. Many thanks go to Jerry McQueeny for arranging the event, and give or take a few deadbeat members of the women’s team yet to pay, we may even have covered our costs. Hmmmm…..me thinks this Jerry fellow shows management potential.

Attendance at the banquet is usually a good barometer of the club’s fortunes, and if this year’s numbers are anything to go by, then 2006 looks set fair, with plenty of new faces to bolster those old and wizened ones of year’s past.

In addition to all the merriment, there were speeches made and awards awarded, both serious and not so much. For those of you unable to attend, or just too drunk to remember any of it (Spyder), I’ll try to recap for you here.

President, Fred Hayman, kicked off the proceedings with a few choice words about the high points of the year, of which there were more than usual, and talked about our prospects for the coming season, that would include D3 Playoffs and a possible move back to D2.

Fred then handed the mic. over to our coach, Mike Quinlan, who began to wax lyrical about how the team is more of a club and how that club is more of a community, and about how it takes a village….and some other stuff that nobody could follow. Several hours later (or so it seemed) he moved on to the main event, namely the three big awards, Most Improved, Biggest Contribution and MVP.

First up was Most Improved Player, which went to Tractor (aka Jason Henry) for pushing himself all season and raising his game to a new level. Those of you who remember Tractor as only having a good 20 minutes in him, will now be impressed to know that he is now good for 25 or 28 minutes. No, really, I kid. He stepped up big. Well deserved Tractor.

Next, the Biggest Contribution went to Ed Lutjens for playing the (only?) responsible adult all season. Ed was always on hand with clean kit, a trash bag for empties and a cooler full of cold ones. He gave a lot and asked for little in return. A model citizen.

MVP went to the quiet Afrikaner, Hannes Bouwer, who's nose for the line was reflected by his impressive try count this Fall, despite suffering a fractured elbow and missing the last three games. He was also one of the few people never to talk back to coach, which is something I'm sure he'll grow out of.

With the serious stuff out of the way, we moved on to the less serious awards, presented by that peerless comedy duo, Andy Nelson and Jimmy Hendricks.

First on the hit list was Tractor, who picked up the "Golden Sharpie" for his T.O. like moves and try zone celebrations. If he continues in T.O.'s footsteps, expect him to very shortly tell us how we all suck and then get suspended from the team.

Jeff Keating received a new set of crayons and a Winnie The Pooh book of colors to help him decipher the penalty plays. But don't worry Jeff, once you get the hang of them, we're sure to change them all again next year.

Next, Dean Hardy got a little help with his wardrobe, since he is soon to audition as the sixth Backstreet Boy. The drunken, Irish one, presumably.

Fred Hayman was presented with his own signed 8" x 10" glossy of the Seacoast Team, confirming his worst conspiracy theories about how the whole league was plotting against us all season. But as you know, Fred didn't take it lying down, and made himself a complete pain in the arse all year to any league officials he could get in contact with. Us against the world, right Fred?

Speaking of pains in the ares, Ed picked up his second award of the night when he received his proctology diploma for his emergency, on-field examination of an Old Gold player's prostate. "Slightly inflamed" was the diagnosis.
Insert your own arse joke here.

Yours truly received a newly created Nobel Prize for web literacy. So newly created in fact that they seem to have forgotten to mail the check for ten million Kronor. Tight Swedish gits!

Francis got his Oscar for recovering from so many apparently career ending injuries this season, and gave (mercifully) a very short acceptance speech.

Coach got his own bobble head doll, although I can't remember what that was for. It was funny though.

Jason Willey once again refused to relinquish his grip on the La-La Concussion Trophy. "Out of my cold dead hands!". Quite literally, possibly.

And last, but by now means least, we turned to the scriptures to read the prophecy that predicted the second coming of Carlos. We'll if there was anyone left who wasn't already going to hell before that, I think we've got you covered.

Whew, what a night, what a hangover. Thanks to all who made it out on the night, and sorry to all who missed it. Click on the picture above to see more shots from the night.

Brother Wolf

Alright, we can all be guilty of a little rush of blood from time to time. When I made that last post I was seething, and I may have lashed out at the Wolfhounds in an indiscriminate way. Since then I have been reliably informed that there is no Derek Warden on the Wolfhounds, and never has been. Indeed, I checked the CIPP rolls, and there is no one by that name registered with any club.

Sunday’s game will linger in the memory for a long time to come, not so much for the result (for us, at least), but for the passion with which it was played, by both sides. If you had been there, you’d know.

So, sorry to all the decent Wolfhounds out there that I may have offended, and Derek, whoever you are, sorry you missed it.

Right. Let’s move on.

The Annual PRFC Banquet will be held this Saturday at the Portland Harbor Hotel, and since Jerry McQ has mortgaged the club in order to pay for it, it is up to you to make sure you bring your wife, mum, dad, aunty, goldfish along to make up the numbers. Anyone with $30 to their name is welcome, anyone with more is more welcome. There will be speeches, awards and maybe even a few jokes along the way, and the drunker you are, the funnier they'll be. After the keg runs out a cash bar is on hand, so a little extra cabbage is advisable. Ticket money upfront is greatly appreciated, so click here to settle up.

Awwwh, ya had to be a jerk about it.

Well, as you all probably know by now the Wolfhounds had the last word this weekend, beating us in the final, 16-8. After we rolled over North Shore in the semi, Sunday's game was a war. Physical might be an understatement, and played at a breakneck pace. Truely both sides gave it their all. The Irish bought their kicking shoes and thanks to a couple of extra penalties and a conversion, they came out on top. No hard feelings on the day, the Irish fought hard, and deserved the result.

Now that the dissapointment has worn off, I was all set to write something contrite, and maybe even throw in a little philosophy about the nature of winning and losing. It was a hard knock to our team spirit, and speaking personally, it was going to take a while to find the motivation to start all over again.

But all that has gone out the window, thanks again to another message that was sent to the club. I don't know who this bloke is, or if he even played on Sunday, but I'll print his message here, verbatim, just in case you all need a reminder of why we play:

Name: derek warden
e-mail: cuervoboy@aol.com
Comments: Well, well, well. We haven't heard much from the Portland Football Club since their defeat at the hands of the Wolfhounds. I suppose their mouths are full of craw at the moment.

Let this be a lesson to you gentlemen. Don't antognize your opponent before a big match.

Mr. Wolf

Well, Derek, thanks for the kick up the arse. The day I'm afraid to throw a few barbs on the website before a game is they day I hang up my boots. I'm sure you'll have got the rest of my teammates equally motivated, and I think I speak for all of us when I say that I can't wait for your next pearls of wisdom before the re-match we'll undoubtedly play in the Spring. Thanks for reminding us what a pleasure it is doing business with the Wolfhounds.

Since Derek was kind enough to leave his e-mail, I hope you'll all feel free to contact him and thank him in your own personal way.

Oh, Wolfie, where's the love gone?

I received a nice note yesterday through our “info” link on the website, otherwise known as the “anonymous-vent-your-spleen-at-Portland-therapy-portal”. The note was from someone calling him or herself “Wolfie” and in essence it took umbrage at my having characterized the Wolfhounds backline as “all universe” and went on to point out that more than half their tries had come through their forwards.

Well, let me start by saying that the note came as a nice change from the usual “Portland sucks, Seacoast will win D3” messages I’ve been getting all season, which presumably are either coming from Bob Winchester or our own coach. What’s more, the note was not in the least bit offensive, and ended with “Good luck this weekend and we hope to have the opportunity to even the score in a hard, honest and well-played match.” As do we all, my friend, and I thank-you for displaying the manners that are all too rare in anonymous hate mail these days.

So, on to the crux of Wolfie’s complaint, about that little “all universe” comment. Let me start by saying that we here on the PRFC editorial staff strive for journalistic excellence, and while the Pulitzer may have eluded us so far, we remain hopeful. Having said that, we are in the business of “driving traffic” (that’s an industry term), and from time to time we may employ what we journos fondly call “creative license”, or as you regular folks like to call it “lying”.

Now this may come as a shock to some our devoted readers (both of you), but it is true that in some cases we may have been economical with the truth in the interest of getting a laugh, riling the opposition or taking cheap shots at the league. Nowhere did we lay any claims to being “fair and balanced”. But, of the many whoppers told on this site, this “all universe” comment seems to me to be one of our more minor infractions.

To this end, I would like to present to the court (of public opinion) Exhibit A, which is the BIW’s own match report for their game against North Shore. I would like to draw the jury’s attention to the penultimate paragraph, and the offending line, “Our backs were far superior (and, if this backline plays again, is one of the best in the country)”.

Ah-ha, the smoking gun!

Now true, this does not say “all universe”, but Wolfie’s note claims, “no one from the B.I. Wolfhounds intimated that our backline was ‘all universe’”. So, not being the scholarly type, I looked up this word ‘intimated’ in the dictionary, and it turns out that the primary definition was, “to make known subtly and indirectly; hint”.

Now true, I did not mean that the BIW’s backs were really “all universe” since most of the other known planets have a hard time sustaining life, let alone fielding a decent backline. I was, in fact, simply employing...altogether now...creative license. However, it does seem to me that the BIW’s match reporter did wish to make known subtly and indirectly (ahem!) that their backline was very, very good, and the term “all universe” seemed best suited to paraphrase his own creative license.

So, Wolfie, don’t get me wrong, in my comment I was not seeking to belittle the efforts of the BIW forwards, but merely to make light of what just might have been a little hyperbole employed in your match report. Your backs are good, and so are ours, so are Seacoast’s, and even North Shore is capable of a few moves. That’s why we’re all at the big show, and soon we’ll get to strut our stuff in front of the Eagles selectors who will now no doubt be on the touchlines.

So please don’t take offense, and have a good time this weekend, and remember that just like charity, journalistic integrity starts at home.

No further questions, your honor.