Oh, Wolfie, where's the love gone?

I received a nice note yesterday through our “info” link on the website, otherwise known as the “anonymous-vent-your-spleen-at-Portland-therapy-portal”. The note was from someone calling him or herself “Wolfie” and in essence it took umbrage at my having characterized the Wolfhounds backline as “all universe” and went on to point out that more than half their tries had come through their forwards.

Well, let me start by saying that the note came as a nice change from the usual “Portland sucks, Seacoast will win D3” messages I’ve been getting all season, which presumably are either coming from Bob Winchester or our own coach. What’s more, the note was not in the least bit offensive, and ended with “Good luck this weekend and we hope to have the opportunity to even the score in a hard, honest and well-played match.” As do we all, my friend, and I thank-you for displaying the manners that are all too rare in anonymous hate mail these days.

So, on to the crux of Wolfie’s complaint, about that little “all universe” comment. Let me start by saying that we here on the PRFC editorial staff strive for journalistic excellence, and while the Pulitzer may have eluded us so far, we remain hopeful. Having said that, we are in the business of “driving traffic” (that’s an industry term), and from time to time we may employ what we journos fondly call “creative license”, or as you regular folks like to call it “lying”.

Now this may come as a shock to some our devoted readers (both of you), but it is true that in some cases we may have been economical with the truth in the interest of getting a laugh, riling the opposition or taking cheap shots at the league. Nowhere did we lay any claims to being “fair and balanced”. But, of the many whoppers told on this site, this “all universe” comment seems to me to be one of our more minor infractions.

To this end, I would like to present to the court (of public opinion) Exhibit A, which is the BIW’s own match report for their game against North Shore. I would like to draw the jury’s attention to the penultimate paragraph, and the offending line, “Our backs were far superior (and, if this backline plays again, is one of the best in the country)”.

Ah-ha, the smoking gun!

Now true, this does not say “all universe”, but Wolfie’s note claims, “no one from the B.I. Wolfhounds intimated that our backline was ‘all universe’”. So, not being the scholarly type, I looked up this word ‘intimated’ in the dictionary, and it turns out that the primary definition was, “to make known subtly and indirectly; hint”.

Now true, I did not mean that the BIW’s backs were really “all universe” since most of the other known planets have a hard time sustaining life, let alone fielding a decent backline. I was, in fact, simply employing...altogether now...creative license. However, it does seem to me that the BIW’s match reporter did wish to make known subtly and indirectly (ahem!) that their backline was very, very good, and the term “all universe” seemed best suited to paraphrase his own creative license.

So, Wolfie, don’t get me wrong, in my comment I was not seeking to belittle the efforts of the BIW forwards, but merely to make light of what just might have been a little hyperbole employed in your match report. Your backs are good, and so are ours, so are Seacoast’s, and even North Shore is capable of a few moves. That’s why we’re all at the big show, and soon we’ll get to strut our stuff in front of the Eagles selectors who will now no doubt be on the touchlines.

So please don’t take offense, and have a good time this weekend, and remember that just like charity, journalistic integrity starts at home.

No further questions, your honor.

Well that really sorted things out

Well, the Playoff round has come and gone, and are we any wiser?

Seacoast beat MIT 16-0.

Mountaineers forfeited to North Shore.

The Wolfhounds beat "team to be determined" (which was, I think, Middlesex) 35-5.

Rutland (and everyone below them) forfeited to Portland.

So there you have it. A real ding-dong weekend. That sets it all up for the Final 4 at Attitash this weekend.
On Saturday Portland plays North Shore, and Seacoast plays the Wolfhounds. The winners of each meet on Sunday for all the marbles.

Practice makes perfect, so make sure you get out there and get some. Riverton, 6-8pm, Tuesday & Thursday.

Money, Money, Money!

Let's recap. Right now there are about a hundred different things that the club needs your money for, so here's a little summary to ease the parting with your hard earned scratch.

Club Jerseys

I am reliably informed by my man in Argentina that the jerseys you all ordered will be on their way next week, and right now only about three people have paid. Click here to get it out of the way. $40 each.

Banquet

To pull this off Jerry needs numbers and he needs cash. Even fewer people have paid for the banquet. Get on it. $30 each please.

Indoor Practice

Some of you (Matt Boyer) never gave me $5 to help off set the cost of training at Turfs on Thursday. Be a stand up guy and put that to rights.

Donations

If you've got any money left over, click here to get rid of it. You'll find being pennyless so liberating.

Dues Subscription Program

Get a jump on next year's dues by signing up for our payment plan of $16.67 each month. Less than the cost of your crack addiction.

Whaa! I don't wanna play Portland!

Thanks to NERFU and their gay, “everyone’s a winner” D3 playoff system, the season endures it’s most pointless weekend, where the “haves” go back and remind the “have nots” just what their missing out on.

The Wolfhounds and their “all-universe” backline will take on Middlesex. Seacoast will take on MIT (again). The only other competitive team in the league, Mad River, is on double-secret probation. And in the one game that might actually be too close to call, North Shore hike up to the Mountaineers for the battle of 4th vs. 5th seed.

Meanwhile, we are left to twiddle our thumbs this weekend, because surprise, surprise, the 8th seed in this lopsided league doesn’t really feel like coming to Portland again for another hiding, and to be honest, who can blame them? In another shocking turn of events, at least perhaps to the league, the 9th, 10th and 11th place teams didn’t actually fancy playing us either.

All this has me asking myself just why D3 is the only NERFU men’s league to put itself through this pointless end-of-season ritual?

In professional sports, more games equals more revenue, so I could understand the need to protract the season as long as possible, just like the NBA. But, in the dirt track rugby that we all play here in D3, more games usually equals more money lost. I know Seacoast have blown money on forfeited matches at Amesbury, we’ve laid out our own share for buses and practice fields, and I would guess that most of the sides in the league have experienced “negative cash-flow” with every game.

Consider the poor referees too. The league has made it crystal clear that there is a chronic shortage of refs so, once again, why put them through another week of one-sided matches and dodging projectiles?

My guess is that the logic is, or was, that in a geographically dispersed league such us ours, asking everyone to play everyone else would be too much of a strain, and the only way to find out the best side is to have a shorter season to separate the goats from the sheep, and then have all the goats play each other for the top spot. But, with eight sides making the playoffs, it appears we have a few sheep in goats clothing (how’s that for a mixed metaphor?).

True, an 11 game schedule would suck, especially for the side that draws road trips to Albany, Mad River and the Mountaineers (no offense guys, but you caan’t get theyah from heeyah). But it begs the question of why are there 12 teams in D3 to begin with?

Again, back in the day, when D3 was created that was probably the only place to put the wannabe’s and also-rans that we all are. Now however, thanks to the growth of rugby as the thinking-man’s contact sport, it looks as though there are at least a handful of respectable clubs looking for a game in D4. Couple them with the bottom four clubs from D3, and they’d have themselves a nice little league going on. That leaves D3 as a proper 8 team league, with a 7 week schedule, undisputed winners and no need for inter-league playoffs (just like D1 and D2).

Now all this might sound a bit like sour grapes from a side that wants things to end just the way they are. I’m sure Seacoast and the Wolfhounds still think they have a shot, bless ‘em, and no doubt they’re grateful for the playoffs. But, I’m also guessing that as they run up the score on MIT and Middlesex they’ll be wondering what this weekend was all in aid of. At the very least we could have all been getting on with the semi-final games to set up the D3 Dog’s Dinner Bowl for next week.

Well, as they say, opinions are like…., well, they’re not hard to come by, and I don’t consider myself a genius for having pointed out the flaws in D3 (there are other reasons why I do though), and for NERFU to have had some foresight may have been too much to hope for. But let us all pray that, whoever wins it this year, NERFU listens to the clubs and fixes this dopey system for good.

Thursday Practice

This Thursday's practice has been moved indoors, to Turfs (aka Jokers) from 7pm to 9pm. Be there promptly to take full advantage of the time, since it ain't cheap. Also, be prepared to cough up some scratch to off set the bill.

All I know about the weekend is that it's Saturday at 1pm, hopefully at Fox Street. It looks like Rutland have already pulled out, so we're trolling the depths of the league to find some other opposition.

Banquet

Whatever happens for the rest of the season, you're going to want to get together at the end and spin a few yarns about it all, and you're going to want to wear a tie while you're doing it, and that's why we have the banquet.

This year Jerry McQueeny is chairman, secretary, treasurer and entire staff of the banquet organization committee, and since he's a card-carrying grown up, it's sure to be a bang up affair. November 12th is the designated date and the Portland Harbor Hotel is willing to let us in their broom closet for a few hours, from 7 onwards.

Clear your diaries, clip on your tie, rent a girlfriend or dust off the wife, it's going to go off, for $30 per head.

For those of you who like to get paying for things out of the way early (ha! ha! ha! as if!), here's a helpful little button you can click. Cheers Al.