I'm not normally one to bring down the tone of these pages by writing about actual rugby, but a number of stories have peaked my interest in the past couple of days, so in case you missed them, I thought I'd give you a little recap here, at the only site you ever go to.
No longer a reason to be fat?
In one of his recent columns for the Guardian, Welsh rugby pundit Eddie Butler has suggested that the whole concept of the scrum is under review by no-less eminent bodies than the RFU and the IRB, given a recent rash of spinal injuries. Eddie envisages pointless scrums, a la rugby league, and squads made entirely of "generic 6ft 1in protein guzzlers" ready to beat the crap out of each other in open play. Well, while that might be hard to picture at our level, it might be an incentive for some of you to grow a pair of wheels and find an alternate source of protein other than cheese doodles.
Aussies suck the joy out of touring.
Given the propensity for Australians to get drunk and make arses of the themselves while playing Tri-Nations and Super 12 games in South Africa, the Wallaby management has drawn up a strict alcohol policy in an effort to reign in their boorish behavior. If they suspect you of a hangover you'll find yourself taking a breathalyzer test. Blow .02 to .05 and you can expect some disciplinary smackdown. Over .05 and you'll find yourself on the first plane home. Phew, in my day, blowing less than a .05 was cause to be sent home from a tour. How the times have changed.
However, as memory serves me correctly, Portland has never been a very strong Sunday team, so maybe there is something to reigning in your pre- (or post-)rugby alcohol consumption. My experience is that drinking before training tends to make you think you're a lot better than you actually are, and have the inverse affect on your view of those around you. Go figure...
Official: women's rugby now more important than men's.
When Brandi Chastain took her top off to celebrate victory in the most boring game of soccer ever (aka the 1999 Women's World Cup Final) the world tipped on it's axis slightly and we found ourselves in a twilight zone in which a nation's greatness was now all of a sudden measured by their performance in women's soccer. Fortunately the world has managed to right itself, largely because the U.S. women's team has done even less than the men's team since then, but brace yourself for another seismic shift - the U.S. women's rugby team recently brought down Ireland in Women's Rugby World Cup currently taking place in Edmonton, Canada. If the U.S. continue their streak and are able to beat the Australian Wallaroos tomorrow in the final round of pool matches, the hysteria will know no bounds. You can expect all USA Rugby funding to be diverted immediately to the L'Oreal School for Women's Rugby Excellence. There, I said it.
Of course, the U.S. did lose their opening round game to England, which seems to have created a short circuit in my chauvinism relay. Must...resist...can't watch...England's next game...vs...OMG...France!
Come on you beautiful English roses!
Wolfhounds to play rugby for "The Man"?
After having turned their noses up at the idea of playing rugby in the Super League for several years, it appears as though the BIW have scraped together the cash to play up in the Bigs, starting in 2007 . My sources tell me that it takes a fair amount of scratch to play in the Super League, but given that they and the other SL newcomer (and National D1 champs) Santa Monica arguably represent a better standard of rugby, my guess is that the powers that be were able to cut them some kind of deal in order to expand the happy rugby-elite family. All very cozy I'm sure, but I can't help feel a pang of regret to see the Wolfhounds cross over to the dark side having made a joke of the SL for so long. I'm sure they have their reason.
This also begs the question of what kind of reshuffle will be in store for the BIW teams. Will they sport a SL, D1 and D3 lineup similar to Old Blue? If their bleating from previous years is anything to go by, that sounds as though it might be a bit of a stretch, but I'm sure their success last year didn't hurt recruitment any and their cup runneth over with fresh young talent. Good luck to them and their new CIPP headaches.
Practice for the rest of us will be tonight, at Douglas Street, 6pm.
Carry on.
Thursday, September 07, 2006
Saturday, September 02, 2006
Return of the Evil Empire
Hey, I'm not one to upset the balance of the Force, but after several years of peace in the universe (and several "friendly" fixtures) some might say that darkness may be descending upon us once again, as we kick off the league season with a home fixture against the Evil Empire this coming Saturday.
There a those "peaceniks" who would say that comparing Old Gold to the evil Sith rulers of the galaxy is a little harsh. Well that's what they said on Alderaan. You be the judge:
Black uniforms
A scrum half called R2
A home field crappier than the Dune Seas of Tatooine
Certain members resemble Jabba the Hut
They, erm...live in a Death Star
OK, maybe that last one isn't true, probably, but everyone loves a flimsy Star Wars analogy right? In recent years, while Portland has been plying it's trade in the outer rim of NERFU, Old Gold has been enjoying the cosy atmosphere of D2, and no doubt growing complacent and exposing their thermal exhaust ports.
So if you want to make sure your moisture farm doesn't get ransacked by Storm Troopers and your nether regions don't get carbon frozen, stop kissing your sister and get yourselves to practice both nights this week. Tuesday and Thursday, 6pm at Douglas Street.
Do, or do not, there is no "try".
There a those "peaceniks" who would say that comparing Old Gold to the evil Sith rulers of the galaxy is a little harsh. Well that's what they said on Alderaan. You be the judge:
Black uniforms
A scrum half called R2
A home field crappier than the Dune Seas of Tatooine
Certain members resemble Jabba the Hut
They, erm...live in a Death Star
OK, maybe that last one isn't true, probably, but everyone loves a flimsy Star Wars analogy right? In recent years, while Portland has been plying it's trade in the outer rim of NERFU, Old Gold has been enjoying the cosy atmosphere of D2, and no doubt growing complacent and exposing their thermal exhaust ports.
So if you want to make sure your moisture farm doesn't get ransacked by Storm Troopers and your nether regions don't get carbon frozen, stop kissing your sister and get yourselves to practice both nights this week. Tuesday and Thursday, 6pm at Douglas Street.
Do, or do not, there is no "try".
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Lessons from the Gamekeeper
Have you ever wondered why you give away so many penalties?
I have (wondered about you that is, not me).
So it turns out there are actually some rules, and that bloke running around with that different colored shirt on and blowing the whistle...well, that's his job to tell us what all those rules are all about...oh, and to give lectures whenever someone from Portland does something in the slightest bit wrong.
If you've ever wondered what it is that you say that riles a ref so much, or why you never seem to kick through the mark properly, then Skip Chase will be sharing his wisdom with us at practice on August 31st and September 21st. If you have burning questions, or just want to know what makes a ref tick, come on out and find out.
Skip does have a bit of an ulterior motive, in that he's looking for a few like-minded citizens who might desire to do a bit of reffing themselves. So, if you're maybe coming to the end of your playing career, or if you're just the kind of chap who likes to get sworn at on the weekends; well maybe this could be your next calling.
So come on all you Poachers, a little Gamekeeping knowledge could come in handy someday, and besides...we always need someone to ref the B game.
I have (wondered about you that is, not me).
So it turns out there are actually some rules, and that bloke running around with that different colored shirt on and blowing the whistle...well, that's his job to tell us what all those rules are all about...oh, and to give lectures whenever someone from Portland does something in the slightest bit wrong.
If you've ever wondered what it is that you say that riles a ref so much, or why you never seem to kick through the mark properly, then Skip Chase will be sharing his wisdom with us at practice on August 31st and September 21st. If you have burning questions, or just want to know what makes a ref tick, come on out and find out.
Skip does have a bit of an ulterior motive, in that he's looking for a few like-minded citizens who might desire to do a bit of reffing themselves. So, if you're maybe coming to the end of your playing career, or if you're just the kind of chap who likes to get sworn at on the weekends; well maybe this could be your next calling.
So come on all you Poachers, a little Gamekeeping knowledge could come in handy someday, and besides...we always need someone to ref the B game.
Monday, August 21, 2006
'skeag low down
This Saturday's match against Amoskeag was what your parents might have described to you as "character building", just like those beating they used to give you behind the woodshed. To be fair, this outing wasn't quite as one-sided as that, but the visiting side was able to expose some, ahem..."areas for improvement" over the coming weeks.
As is usually the case with early season fixtures, pleas for the Portland faithful to get on-board fell on deaf ears, so while at least in the pack we enjoyed some depth, the backs weren't quite as plentiful. As a result, while the pack may arguably be able to claim a draw with the Amoskeag pack, gaps in the backline were exposed repeatedly by a well-drilled and experienced opposition. Of course, to be fair, we can all share the blame for that, given that our out-of-shape pack managed to spend too much time congregating at the breakdown and not enough time covering across in defense. As we all know, once that oxygen supply to the brain gets short, a forward's decision-making ability becomes severely impaired and is usually superseded by the instinct to lean in to the nearest ruck and "look busy".
At least the oxygen supply is something that can be improved, either at the gym, or better still by coming to training.
The scoreline, whatever it was, was pretty lopsided, although not without a little resistance from the home side. Jerry and yours truly hooked up twice to prove that old dogs and their old tricks still work sometimes.
In the end the ref pulled up lame in the third period and nobody complained when the match was brought to an early conclusion. Plenty to learn from on the day, and still a ways to go before the first league fixture.
Special thanks go to Matt Boyer, who donned the red and white for the last time before he moves back to Chicago at the end of the month. Matt has been with the club long enough to father a couple of children, and unlike some of our other alumni, he'll actually be taking them with him when he leaves. Good luck Matt. Give us a call whenever you're in town.
Training (and games) are now moving to Douglas Street (park on St. James St.), directions for which can be found here. The fun continues this Tuesday, 6pm.
As is usually the case with early season fixtures, pleas for the Portland faithful to get on-board fell on deaf ears, so while at least in the pack we enjoyed some depth, the backs weren't quite as plentiful. As a result, while the pack may arguably be able to claim a draw with the Amoskeag pack, gaps in the backline were exposed repeatedly by a well-drilled and experienced opposition. Of course, to be fair, we can all share the blame for that, given that our out-of-shape pack managed to spend too much time congregating at the breakdown and not enough time covering across in defense. As we all know, once that oxygen supply to the brain gets short, a forward's decision-making ability becomes severely impaired and is usually superseded by the instinct to lean in to the nearest ruck and "look busy".
At least the oxygen supply is something that can be improved, either at the gym, or better still by coming to training.
The scoreline, whatever it was, was pretty lopsided, although not without a little resistance from the home side. Jerry and yours truly hooked up twice to prove that old dogs and their old tricks still work sometimes.
In the end the ref pulled up lame in the third period and nobody complained when the match was brought to an early conclusion. Plenty to learn from on the day, and still a ways to go before the first league fixture.
Special thanks go to Matt Boyer, who donned the red and white for the last time before he moves back to Chicago at the end of the month. Matt has been with the club long enough to father a couple of children, and unlike some of our other alumni, he'll actually be taking them with him when he leaves. Good luck Matt. Give us a call whenever you're in town.
Training (and games) are now moving to Douglas Street (park on St. James St.), directions for which can be found here. The fun continues this Tuesday, 6pm.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Portland hosts Amoskeag this Saturday
Alright ladies, Saturday kicks it all off again with a home fixture against Amoskeag. KO is at 1:00 pm, and all those hoping to play should be at Fox Street somewhere in the neighborhood of 11:30 so we can see what we're working with.
A reminder that this is an flexible-format game, with "three halves", so there's ample room for substitutions, and extra players will be welcome on what promises to be a hot day. So, if you've been hiding yourself away, now's the time to get out of your hole and surrender yourself to the joys of rugby again. That offer also extends to Stripers or Leviathan-ers with time on their hands and looking for a run around - you are more than welcome to join in the fun.
See you Saturday.
A reminder that this is an flexible-format game, with "three halves", so there's ample room for substitutions, and extra players will be welcome on what promises to be a hot day. So, if you've been hiding yourself away, now's the time to get out of your hole and surrender yourself to the joys of rugby again. That offer also extends to Stripers or Leviathan-ers with time on their hands and looking for a run around - you are more than welcome to join in the fun.
See you Saturday.
Monday, August 14, 2006
Into Thin Air
Those of you who know anything about mountaineering know that it's a dangerous business. This season saw 11 deaths on Everest, the worst season since that fateful year, 1996, when 15 people failed to return from their attempt to summit. The slightest misstep in the "Death Zone" above 26,000 ft. and chances of becoming a permanent popsicle fixture on the world's highest peak are greatly increased.
Well, it looks as though our own mountaineer, Dom Tracey, has taken a little misstep of his own if the attached pictures are anything to go by. Operating at probably a little less than 26,000 ft., Dom in his own words, "Had a few pieces pull and decked" which seems to be mountaineering speak for f'ing up and landing on your head. In his typical understated manner Dom says he, "somehow managed to come out of it with a cut on my foot and a bump on my head."
Well, I've had a few bumps on my head in my time, and that sir, does not look like any bump on the head that I can recall. Neither have any of my "bumps on the head" required me to be carried away on a stretcher.
But, since Dom seems to be alive and e-mailing, it doesn't appear to be beyond the realms of good taste to have a chuckle at his expense, and thank our lucky stars that we enjoy the much safer sport of rugby.
In order for you to avoid any of these nasty non-rugby type accidents, you should spend as much time as possible at training, starting tomorrow. 6pm at Fox Street.
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