Yes, it's that time again.
That special time that comes along only every four years, when the rest of the world stops working and pays attention to the only thing that matters - The World Cup.
It would be a good time to invade another country, since no one would notice.
Can anyone stop the Brazilians?
Will Wayne Rooney's metatarsal heal in time?
Can the Polish invade Germany for a change?
Only time will tell. So sit back and enjoy the ride. For the next month it will be football, football, football, and nobody will be wearing pads and tight pants.
Here's your appetizer. Breakfast is served at my place Saturday for anyone who wants to ride up and watch England take on Paraguay on the big screen. 9 am, ABC.
"Three lions on a shirt, Jules Rimet still gleaming..."
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Estrogen Level In Joyce Household Elevated To "Critical"
Congratulations to Dan Joyce, who in addition to having a wife to boss him around, now has a second daughter to start calling the shots. Pictured here, looking suspiciously blonde as compared to her father's black hair, Abigail Margaret Joyce was welcomed in to the world (by appointment) on May 12th. Results of the paternity test are still pending.
Still, good job Dan for kicking out another one, even if it does complete the Axis of Estrogen. Call me though...I can hook you up with some barely used Brat Dolls.
Of course, it wouldn't be right to send Abigail on her way without making her aware of her place in history. Indeed, lots of history had already been made on May 12th, most of it bloody. This includes the Battles of Lewes (1264), Charleston (1780), Venice (1862), Spotsylvania Court House (1864), Batoche (1885) and Kharkov II (1942). Adding to the gloom, the Lindburgh baby shows up, not so bouncy (1932), 1,500 Jews are sent to Auschwitz (1942), Luna 5 crashes in to the moon (1965), a freight train jumps the tracks in San Bernadino destroying 11 homes (1989), and the Riyhad compound bombings kill 26 (2003).
Bloody hell, how can I turn this around? Well on the good news front, William III of England starts a war with France (no really, that's always good news) (1689), the first official County cricket game was played (1890), the General Strike ends (1926), the Soviet Union lifts the blockade of Berlin (1949), Busch Stadium opens (1966) and 38 years later the Red Sox clinch the World Series there, Pink Floyd stage the first ever quadraphonic rock concert (1967), Ernie Banks hits his 500th dinger at Wrigley Field (1970), the Tate Modern Gallery opens (2000) and Justin Gatlin ties the world 100m record (2006).
A busy day for humanity, for better or worse. Let's throw in some birthdays:
Poet Edward Lear, top nurse Florence Nightingale, Pre-Raphaelite painter Gabriel Rossetti, crazy old coot Katherine Hepburn, Yankee wordsmith Yogi Berra, lounge composer Burt Bacharach, angry George Carlin, blockhead Ian Dury, high mileage singer Steve Winwood, the stroker Billy Squier, usual suspect Gabriel Byrne, Marsellus Wallace aka Ving Rhames, part-time Sheen Emilio Estevez, baby Stephen Baldwin, skateboard bazillionairre Tony Hawk, knockout Sofia Coppola, brick sh*thouse Jonah Lomu and juvenile comedy actor Jason Biggs.
Go out and make a name for yourself Abby.
Still, good job Dan for kicking out another one, even if it does complete the Axis of Estrogen. Call me though...I can hook you up with some barely used Brat Dolls.
Of course, it wouldn't be right to send Abigail on her way without making her aware of her place in history. Indeed, lots of history had already been made on May 12th, most of it bloody. This includes the Battles of Lewes (1264), Charleston (1780), Venice (1862), Spotsylvania Court House (1864), Batoche (1885) and Kharkov II (1942). Adding to the gloom, the Lindburgh baby shows up, not so bouncy (1932), 1,500 Jews are sent to Auschwitz (1942), Luna 5 crashes in to the moon (1965), a freight train jumps the tracks in San Bernadino destroying 11 homes (1989), and the Riyhad compound bombings kill 26 (2003).
Bloody hell, how can I turn this around? Well on the good news front, William III of England starts a war with France (no really, that's always good news) (1689), the first official County cricket game was played (1890), the General Strike ends (1926), the Soviet Union lifts the blockade of Berlin (1949), Busch Stadium opens (1966) and 38 years later the Red Sox clinch the World Series there, Pink Floyd stage the first ever quadraphonic rock concert (1967), Ernie Banks hits his 500th dinger at Wrigley Field (1970), the Tate Modern Gallery opens (2000) and Justin Gatlin ties the world 100m record (2006).
A busy day for humanity, for better or worse. Let's throw in some birthdays:
Poet Edward Lear, top nurse Florence Nightingale, Pre-Raphaelite painter Gabriel Rossetti, crazy old coot Katherine Hepburn, Yankee wordsmith Yogi Berra, lounge composer Burt Bacharach, angry George Carlin, blockhead Ian Dury, high mileage singer Steve Winwood, the stroker Billy Squier, usual suspect Gabriel Byrne, Marsellus Wallace aka Ving Rhames, part-time Sheen Emilio Estevez, baby Stephen Baldwin, skateboard bazillionairre Tony Hawk, knockout Sofia Coppola, brick sh*thouse Jonah Lomu and juvenile comedy actor Jason Biggs.
Go out and make a name for yourself Abby.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Summer Fun
Get yourself and your sevens game down to Payson Park this Thursday night for the kick off of the summer training circuit (6pm). Plan on a good run around, some healthy competition and a few laughs. We'll be welcoming plenty of homecoming students and even a few newbies, so it's a great time for your nurturing side to come out. What's not to love?
If that's not enough to entice you, Bull Moose is right around the corner, and if you plan on coming, we need to know, and you need to figure out where you'll be staying. Don't leave it to the last minute, or you'll find yourself stuck in room with Spyder and Joey when they stay up all night speaking their own private language.
Wassafacyergonagiterdunnfor? Right?
If that's not enough to entice you, Bull Moose is right around the corner, and if you plan on coming, we need to know, and you need to figure out where you'll be staying. Don't leave it to the last minute, or you'll find yourself stuck in room with Spyder and Joey when they stay up all night speaking their own private language.
Wassafacyergonagiterdunnfor? Right?
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Get Your Gawk On
Jonesin' for some pictoral goodness to go with all this fine wordage?
Well thanks to Ed and Devon you can get your fix by clicking here for the best and worst of NERFU, and here for the evening splendor of Holmes Chapel.
When you're done getting your fix of lineouts and scrums, you can click here to get your all purpose dance lesson for the balding white male. Giddyap!
Well thanks to Ed and Devon you can get your fix by clicking here for the best and worst of NERFU, and here for the evening splendor of Holmes Chapel.
When you're done getting your fix of lineouts and scrums, you can click here to get your all purpose dance lesson for the balding white male. Giddyap!
Friday, June 02, 2006
Too Much Communion For Chapel
Proving emphatically that there really is too much of a good thing, a spirited Holmes Chapel side had their boozy past catch up with them Wednesday night, when, despite early promise, they faded in the evening sun to a more properly hydrated Portland team.
Employing typical homeside sabotage, Portland had ensured that the home side was well supplied with beer the previous night at the welcome reception, hosted by our gracious sponsors, Gritty's. Resembling a gang of comic-book burglars in their black & white stripey shirts, the Holmes Chapel touring party arrived at the reception already the worse for wear from their day out in Boston. A few beers seemed to breath new life in to them however, and they were soon organizing their Kangaroo Court to administer justice on tour miscreants. Thanks to an anonymous tip, they also singled out the man-child Francis for his puffy eye/knee stories, and yours truly got himself a drink just for being the poor mug with his name attached to the invite.
Soon the Chapel boys were in full song, showing us all what true singing sounds like, as opposed to Tractor getting on a table and shouting the words to the S&M Man, while nearby listeners lost their lunch thanks to the anything-but-subtle lyrics. Holmes Chapel Choir 1, Portland Howling Chorus 0. Despite their apparent revulsion however, the tourists were soon mingling freely and socializing. Even J-Wil managed to find his emotional soul mate on the Holmes Chapel team, and a lively discussion ensued, comparing their respective playing skills, and the ever escalating stakes on making or avoiding contact the following day. Ahhh, rugby...the international language of brotherly love.
Having beat a relatively early retreat, I'm only going by second hand reports that the proceedings became increasingly rowdy, until it was again left to Ryan Facey to let us know when things had gone too far. Like some kind of alcoholic barometer, Ryan can be relied upon to turn belligerent and do something (self) destructive when its time for everyone to go home. This time however, instead of throwing up on his teammates, he managed to impale himself on a glass, and then do his best to resist medical attention. Fortunately for Ryan however, he always forgets the scary bits, so is ready to do it all again the next day.
Thus ended the reception, although I'm told that many of the HC boys continued on the sauce in to the wee small hours. Huge thanks are due to Richard Pfeffer and his patient staff at Gritty's, who showed us all much hospitality, regardless of the risk of scaring away their regular patrons.
So while the tourists were sleeping off their hangovers, many of the rest of us were forced in to work the next day to prop up a desk and shuffle papers around in effort to look busy. I'm sure my boss was particularly proud of me for fielding a steady stream of rugby-related calls all day, at the expense of any real work getting done. First came the, "who was most messed up?" calls (you already know the answer to that one), followed by the early afternoon "what time is kick off" calls (Look on the website!), then come the late afternoon "I can't play / can't make it on time" calls (WTF?).
Nevertheless, the perfect evening weather was able to dispel most of my residual grumpiness from taking all those calls, and as the Portland players arrived it was time to piece together a team from those present.
Once the side had been appropriately attired and stretched, the Chapel boys kicked off to the cheers of their assembled subs and sundry tourists. Right away they came out at a sprint, spinning the ball wide and displaying some menacing pace. Sure enough the on-rushing Portland defense left some inviting holes, and one missed tackle let through a Chapel player unmolested to score under the posts. Portland were able to bounce back a little and slot over a penalty, but no sooner had they done so than the tourists scored again, opening up an ominous 12-3 lead.
Time for Portland to knuckle down and secure some possession. Thanks to a couple of penalties we were able to work our way down the touchlines to set up the first of several tries that were to come either directly or indirectly as a result of Portland's lineout dominance. Grinding our way back in to the game, the home side was able to muster two tries in the first half, bringing the scoreline at the break to more respectable 15-12 in our favor.
Portland's control of the game continued in the second half with several more scores widening the gap, but as usual most of their scorer's names escape me. Hannes had a brace I think, and maybe Evan, Scotty Derrig and Fred Hayman all chipped in. My theory is that if you know who scored all the tries, then you're getting lost in the details and not thinking far enough ahead.
Anyway, despite being unaccustomed to the heat, and with all the dehydration sending their blood-alcohol content to dangerous levels, Holmes Chapel were not out of it, as they continued to produce solid ball from the scrums and swing it wide. This eventually paid of for them as they were to release their speedy wing around the end of the Portland defense, giving him a clear 40 yd. run in to the try zone at the stroke of full time. With the conversion made, the final scoreline was something like 30-odd to 19, in Portland's favor. All good stuff.
Afters were to be found at Fore Play, where everyone was a little more subdued than they had been the night before. Still, once the beer started flowing and the pizza all gone we all found the energy for a few speeches and some general gift swapping. Big ups were given to HC Captain-on-the-day, Gary Cottam and 1st Team Captain and Tour Organizer/Grownup, Mike Corfield. A token of our affection was also presented to the Holmes Chapel President Dai Dowden, who seemed to have lost his voice...a rare condition for a Welshman. We also gave thanks to their medical officer, Rod Morgan-Smith, who patched Ryan back up the previous night, and to their Man of the Match, fleet-of-foot Outside Center, Pat Kennedy.
Our own man of the match was Scotty Derrig, who deservedly broke the Hannes streak, and did an admirably job "taking his medicine".
So all in all another good night, and grand couple of days. Holmes Chapel proved themselves to be a top bunch of lads, and have placed themselves firmly on the list of Portland Rugby Club BFF's. Given our normal antisocial outlook, that's an exclusive list indeed.
After leaving Portland, Holmes Chapel have headed up to Farmington, and no doubt have already run out of things to do. Not all of Maine can be as hospitable as Portland.
Godspeed lads. Come back and see us again soon.
Employing typical homeside sabotage, Portland had ensured that the home side was well supplied with beer the previous night at the welcome reception, hosted by our gracious sponsors, Gritty's. Resembling a gang of comic-book burglars in their black & white stripey shirts, the Holmes Chapel touring party arrived at the reception already the worse for wear from their day out in Boston. A few beers seemed to breath new life in to them however, and they were soon organizing their Kangaroo Court to administer justice on tour miscreants. Thanks to an anonymous tip, they also singled out the man-child Francis for his puffy eye/knee stories, and yours truly got himself a drink just for being the poor mug with his name attached to the invite.
Soon the Chapel boys were in full song, showing us all what true singing sounds like, as opposed to Tractor getting on a table and shouting the words to the S&M Man, while nearby listeners lost their lunch thanks to the anything-but-subtle lyrics. Holmes Chapel Choir 1, Portland Howling Chorus 0. Despite their apparent revulsion however, the tourists were soon mingling freely and socializing. Even J-Wil managed to find his emotional soul mate on the Holmes Chapel team, and a lively discussion ensued, comparing their respective playing skills, and the ever escalating stakes on making or avoiding contact the following day. Ahhh, rugby...the international language of brotherly love.
Having beat a relatively early retreat, I'm only going by second hand reports that the proceedings became increasingly rowdy, until it was again left to Ryan Facey to let us know when things had gone too far. Like some kind of alcoholic barometer, Ryan can be relied upon to turn belligerent and do something (self) destructive when its time for everyone to go home. This time however, instead of throwing up on his teammates, he managed to impale himself on a glass, and then do his best to resist medical attention. Fortunately for Ryan however, he always forgets the scary bits, so is ready to do it all again the next day.
Thus ended the reception, although I'm told that many of the HC boys continued on the sauce in to the wee small hours. Huge thanks are due to Richard Pfeffer and his patient staff at Gritty's, who showed us all much hospitality, regardless of the risk of scaring away their regular patrons.
So while the tourists were sleeping off their hangovers, many of the rest of us were forced in to work the next day to prop up a desk and shuffle papers around in effort to look busy. I'm sure my boss was particularly proud of me for fielding a steady stream of rugby-related calls all day, at the expense of any real work getting done. First came the, "who was most messed up?" calls (you already know the answer to that one), followed by the early afternoon "what time is kick off" calls (Look on the website!), then come the late afternoon "I can't play / can't make it on time" calls (WTF?).
Nevertheless, the perfect evening weather was able to dispel most of my residual grumpiness from taking all those calls, and as the Portland players arrived it was time to piece together a team from those present.
Once the side had been appropriately attired and stretched, the Chapel boys kicked off to the cheers of their assembled subs and sundry tourists. Right away they came out at a sprint, spinning the ball wide and displaying some menacing pace. Sure enough the on-rushing Portland defense left some inviting holes, and one missed tackle let through a Chapel player unmolested to score under the posts. Portland were able to bounce back a little and slot over a penalty, but no sooner had they done so than the tourists scored again, opening up an ominous 12-3 lead.
Time for Portland to knuckle down and secure some possession. Thanks to a couple of penalties we were able to work our way down the touchlines to set up the first of several tries that were to come either directly or indirectly as a result of Portland's lineout dominance. Grinding our way back in to the game, the home side was able to muster two tries in the first half, bringing the scoreline at the break to more respectable 15-12 in our favor.
Portland's control of the game continued in the second half with several more scores widening the gap, but as usual most of their scorer's names escape me. Hannes had a brace I think, and maybe Evan, Scotty Derrig and Fred Hayman all chipped in. My theory is that if you know who scored all the tries, then you're getting lost in the details and not thinking far enough ahead.
Anyway, despite being unaccustomed to the heat, and with all the dehydration sending their blood-alcohol content to dangerous levels, Holmes Chapel were not out of it, as they continued to produce solid ball from the scrums and swing it wide. This eventually paid of for them as they were to release their speedy wing around the end of the Portland defense, giving him a clear 40 yd. run in to the try zone at the stroke of full time. With the conversion made, the final scoreline was something like 30-odd to 19, in Portland's favor. All good stuff.
Afters were to be found at Fore Play, where everyone was a little more subdued than they had been the night before. Still, once the beer started flowing and the pizza all gone we all found the energy for a few speeches and some general gift swapping. Big ups were given to HC Captain-on-the-day, Gary Cottam and 1st Team Captain and Tour Organizer/Grownup, Mike Corfield. A token of our affection was also presented to the Holmes Chapel President Dai Dowden, who seemed to have lost his voice...a rare condition for a Welshman. We also gave thanks to their medical officer, Rod Morgan-Smith, who patched Ryan back up the previous night, and to their Man of the Match, fleet-of-foot Outside Center, Pat Kennedy.
Our own man of the match was Scotty Derrig, who deservedly broke the Hannes streak, and did an admirably job "taking his medicine".
So all in all another good night, and grand couple of days. Holmes Chapel proved themselves to be a top bunch of lads, and have placed themselves firmly on the list of Portland Rugby Club BFF's. Given our normal antisocial outlook, that's an exclusive list indeed.
After leaving Portland, Holmes Chapel have headed up to Farmington, and no doubt have already run out of things to do. Not all of Maine can be as hospitable as Portland.
Godspeed lads. Come back and see us again soon.
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Rugby's coming Holme(s)
Apologies for the corny headline.
I'd like to extend a big welcome to Holmes Chapel, who are touring Maine (of all places) this week, and who we will be playing at the Fairgrounds this Wednesday night.
For those of you who never went to school (in England), Holmes Chapel is a village located in Cheshire, which is a county in North West England. Despite being located right next to the oft-reviled cities of Manchester and Liverpool, Cheshire is actually one of the wealthiest counties in the country, since all the rich people who make a living in those cities prefer to live there. Indeed, according to the Index of Deprivation (wtf? Only in England.), Holmes Chapel is the 18th least deprived ward (electoral district) in the country. Not to shabby eh? What exactly it is they are not deprived of is not clear.
One thing they are certainly not deprived of is pubs, for a village with a population of just 5,669 (about the size of Millinocket) supports several "good quality" pubs, and no doubt a bunch of lower quality ones. Presumably amongst the better ones is the George and Dragon (you all remember St. George, right?) which I am told has been recently refurbished. Nice.
Holmes Chapel is of course situated at the junction of the A50 and the A54, which are roads that go somewhere else. At least one of them probably goes to the M6, which is also nearby. The M6 is, as you all know, the longest motorway in England, stretching some 226 miles all the way from Rugby (no really) to Carlisle, which is right next to the border with Scotland. Nicknamed the "Backbone of England", the M6 carries people and stuff from the heart of the country right to the edge of civilization, where they can transfer to horse and cart for travel on the mostly mud tracks that serve as Scottish highways. All this comes at a cost however, since the M6 was the country's first toll road, which was first imposed in 2003. It'll cost you roughly $6.50 to traverse the entire length, which is about the cost of one gallon of petrol (sorry, gas). So if that's too steep for you, you might want to take the "scenic" route and go through Holmes Chapel, and stop off at the George and Dragon for lunch.
Another nearby attraction is Swettenham Meadows, which is a swamp, otherwise known as a Nature Reserve. Covering over 21 acres, and full mostly of mucky flowers and bugs, a Nature Reserve is how posh people in England stop others from building houses near them. Just ask Baron Hewlett of Swettenham, who is described as a regular visitor of the "Meadows", and no doubt has a big house nearby.
Lastly Holmes Chapel is not without its famous (former) residents. Dean Ashton was a pupil at Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School, who went on to play football for Crewe Alexandra and Norwich City which are rubbish football teams in the English First Division. He recently moved to West Ham, who are in the Premiership, and took part in this year's epic FA Cup Final against Liverpool, which ended as a 3-3 draw, only to be decided in Liverpool's favor on penalties. Ashton plays along side Teddy Sheringham at the Hammers, who we all know served his best years with mighty, mighty Tottenham.
So, now that you know all about Holmes Chapel, come on out and make them feel welcome, and impress them with your knowledge of their tiny, non-deprived village. There will be a welcome reception tonight (Tuesday) at Gritty's at 6pm, and the game will be held at the Fairgrounds tomorrow, also with a 6pm kick off. After match festivities will be at Fore Play.
I'd like to extend a big welcome to Holmes Chapel, who are touring Maine (of all places) this week, and who we will be playing at the Fairgrounds this Wednesday night.
For those of you who never went to school (in England), Holmes Chapel is a village located in Cheshire, which is a county in North West England. Despite being located right next to the oft-reviled cities of Manchester and Liverpool, Cheshire is actually one of the wealthiest counties in the country, since all the rich people who make a living in those cities prefer to live there. Indeed, according to the Index of Deprivation (wtf? Only in England.), Holmes Chapel is the 18th least deprived ward (electoral district) in the country. Not to shabby eh? What exactly it is they are not deprived of is not clear.
One thing they are certainly not deprived of is pubs, for a village with a population of just 5,669 (about the size of Millinocket) supports several "good quality" pubs, and no doubt a bunch of lower quality ones. Presumably amongst the better ones is the George and Dragon (you all remember St. George, right?) which I am told has been recently refurbished. Nice.
Holmes Chapel is of course situated at the junction of the A50 and the A54, which are roads that go somewhere else. At least one of them probably goes to the M6, which is also nearby. The M6 is, as you all know, the longest motorway in England, stretching some 226 miles all the way from Rugby (no really) to Carlisle, which is right next to the border with Scotland. Nicknamed the "Backbone of England", the M6 carries people and stuff from the heart of the country right to the edge of civilization, where they can transfer to horse and cart for travel on the mostly mud tracks that serve as Scottish highways. All this comes at a cost however, since the M6 was the country's first toll road, which was first imposed in 2003. It'll cost you roughly $6.50 to traverse the entire length, which is about the cost of one gallon of petrol (sorry, gas). So if that's too steep for you, you might want to take the "scenic" route and go through Holmes Chapel, and stop off at the George and Dragon for lunch.
Another nearby attraction is Swettenham Meadows, which is a swamp, otherwise known as a Nature Reserve. Covering over 21 acres, and full mostly of mucky flowers and bugs, a Nature Reserve is how posh people in England stop others from building houses near them. Just ask Baron Hewlett of Swettenham, who is described as a regular visitor of the "Meadows", and no doubt has a big house nearby.
Lastly Holmes Chapel is not without its famous (former) residents. Dean Ashton was a pupil at Holmes Chapel Comprehensive School, who went on to play football for Crewe Alexandra and Norwich City which are rubbish football teams in the English First Division. He recently moved to West Ham, who are in the Premiership, and took part in this year's epic FA Cup Final against Liverpool, which ended as a 3-3 draw, only to be decided in Liverpool's favor on penalties. Ashton plays along side Teddy Sheringham at the Hammers, who we all know served his best years with mighty, mighty Tottenham.
So, now that you know all about Holmes Chapel, come on out and make them feel welcome, and impress them with your knowledge of their tiny, non-deprived village. There will be a welcome reception tonight (Tuesday) at Gritty's at 6pm, and the game will be held at the Fairgrounds tomorrow, also with a 6pm kick off. After match festivities will be at Fore Play.
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