You don't have to be large to be the Alpha Male.
So let the list making begin. Alpha Males we all know and love:
James Bond (of course)
Maximus Decimus Meridius
Bambi's Dad
Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore (Apocolypse Now)
Henry Rollins
Gengis Khan
George Patten
Gordon, The Big Blue Engine
Yellowstone Wolf #195
Ernest Hemingway
Brett Favre
Batman
Who else you got? Let me know. E-mail or write it on the back of a twenty and mail it to me.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
Still struggling to understand the concept of the Alpha Male?
Per dictionary.com it means: a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, especially animals.
Not sure if you really qualify? Take the test all the chimps are taking to figure it out.
Still not getting it? See this picture? You should be the dog with his tail in the air, while the other dog demonstrates a classic submissive position. This should resemble a typical day for you. That dog way in the background plays for Old Gold.
Per dictionary.com it means: a domineering man; the dominant member in a group of males, especially animals.
Not sure if you really qualify? Take the test all the chimps are taking to figure it out.
Still not getting it? See this picture? You should be the dog with his tail in the air, while the other dog demonstrates a classic submissive position. This should resemble a typical day for you. That dog way in the background plays for Old Gold.
Gents, the Reggae Cruise is fast approaching and there are still tickets to be sold. Get out there and pimp it. See J-Wil at the Deli if you need extra tickets. We need to sell all of these to turn a profit.
"Sevens" tomorrow. Fox Street, 6:30pm. It's called that, because there's meant to be seven on each side. If you don't turn up, we won't be able to call it sevens, see? "Fours" anyone?
"Sevens" tomorrow. Fox Street, 6:30pm. It's called that, because there's meant to be seven on each side. If you don't turn up, we won't be able to call it sevens, see? "Fours" anyone?
Friday, July 16, 2004
I know that you've all been wondering for a long time whatever happened to that Bumper Sticker idea that I had. Well, let me tell you that after much deliberation it is time to announce the winner.
I would like to say that I was overwhelmed with entries, but in all only about seven of you had any bright ideas. I can only assume that the rest of you didn't have any ideas, and will be happy with the final selection.
Anyway, down to business. Of the entries received, they ranged from the predictable (blood, gore, lobsters etc) through long-winded to downright obscure. What I was looking for was something that was accessible to the general public, while at the same time demonstrating our wit, charm and natural superiority to ordinary mortals. However funny some of the inside jokes may have been, I doubt that they would have done much to attract new members.
Firstly, honorable mention goes to James Canon, who sent a number of creative entries, including these two crackers that are an obvious reflection of his current state of mind:
"Eat Carbs, Play Rugby"
"Rugby: another great reason to stay single"
In the end, the honors go to the bumper sticker savant, Matt Burgess. Out of the swath of strange and non-sensical entries that he sent me came this gem that I hope you will all appreciate:
Portland Rugby
Alpha Males since 1969
I chose this one because of the very subtle way it which it says "we're better than you are". No doubt this will inflame feminists, tree huggers and beta-males everywhere, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? The right type of guy is going to be challenged by such a statement, and the right type of gal is going to want to get herself impregnated by one of these Alpha males. Everybody wins! (including the gene pool).
Stickers are on order, so it's too late to launch a protest. If you want something different, then I'll put you in touch with my source and you can get your own bloody stickers.
On other business, Leo Caouette invites you to his house on Sunday night to watch the Eagles vs. France. He has a big new 50" telly that he wants to show you. Hmmm....do you think he might be compensating for something? Anyway, try not to get plasma all over the front of your trousers when you see it. It's bring your own beer and food, and possibly seating. Don't be surprised if you have to chip in for electricity. The game starts at 9pm, and you are not welcome before 8pm, and whatever you do, do not repeatedly e-mail him here to rsvp and ask other inane questions about what to wear, directions, team selections, availability of surround sound etc.
I would like to say that I was overwhelmed with entries, but in all only about seven of you had any bright ideas. I can only assume that the rest of you didn't have any ideas, and will be happy with the final selection.
Anyway, down to business. Of the entries received, they ranged from the predictable (blood, gore, lobsters etc) through long-winded to downright obscure. What I was looking for was something that was accessible to the general public, while at the same time demonstrating our wit, charm and natural superiority to ordinary mortals. However funny some of the inside jokes may have been, I doubt that they would have done much to attract new members.
Firstly, honorable mention goes to James Canon, who sent a number of creative entries, including these two crackers that are an obvious reflection of his current state of mind:
"Eat Carbs, Play Rugby"
"Rugby: another great reason to stay single"
In the end, the honors go to the bumper sticker savant, Matt Burgess. Out of the swath of strange and non-sensical entries that he sent me came this gem that I hope you will all appreciate:
Portland Rugby
Alpha Males since 1969
I chose this one because of the very subtle way it which it says "we're better than you are". No doubt this will inflame feminists, tree huggers and beta-males everywhere, but that's kind of the point, isn't it? The right type of guy is going to be challenged by such a statement, and the right type of gal is going to want to get herself impregnated by one of these Alpha males. Everybody wins! (including the gene pool).
Stickers are on order, so it's too late to launch a protest. If you want something different, then I'll put you in touch with my source and you can get your own bloody stickers.
On other business, Leo Caouette invites you to his house on Sunday night to watch the Eagles vs. France. He has a big new 50" telly that he wants to show you. Hmmm....do you think he might be compensating for something? Anyway, try not to get plasma all over the front of your trousers when you see it. It's bring your own beer and food, and possibly seating. Don't be surprised if you have to chip in for electricity. The game starts at 9pm, and you are not welcome before 8pm, and whatever you do, do not repeatedly e-mail him here to rsvp and ask other inane questions about what to wear, directions, team selections, availability of surround sound etc.
Thursday, July 15, 2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
Ah, it was good to see so many of you again this Sunday and share a few beers. Thanks Andy for the good time, and may I take this opprtunity to congratulate you and Amanda. I wish you better luck than me....no, really, that was just a joke.
A weekly "sevens" run around starts this Thursday, on Fox Street @ 6:30pm. Per J-Wil, if you plan on being a dick, bring $20 to contribute to the after practice festivities. "Being a dick" is at the discretion of the majority of those present but is likely to include but not be limited to the following:
Crying like a baby
Calling tags you never made
Kicking the ball over my head on restarts
Shoving & bitch slapping
Wearing a "do rag" (this isn't Old Gold for christ's sake)
Shouting "what the fuck" every time you drop a pass
Driving off in a huff (at least without leaving your $20)
Stiff-arms
Not sharing your water
Claiming you "still had another gear" after nearly being run down by Leo
Throwing up spastic passes and then yelling at me for not catching them
Picking all the backs on your team
Claiming you didn't know what rules we were playing by when everyone yells at you for being tagged
Saying "your not back 5" all the time
Not being back 2 and a half
Kicking sand in my face
Trying to kick the ball to yourself and missing
Only playing on offense and then saying you have a "tight hammy" when we loose posession
Having a "tight hammy" or tight anything for that matter
Running off to answer your cell phone
Not going for a drink because you have some shady hook up planned
Hoisting up a kick on your imaginary "fifth and last tackle"
Pretending you didn't know you were out of bounds
Denying you are being a dick and refusing to accept the majority decision
Thinking you're better than you actually are
Anything else that I think of...
On this day in history, 1985, it was Live Aid. A really big concert about something. Who can forget watching such great performers as Adam & The Ants, Joan Baez, Billy Ocean, Howard Jones, REO Speedwagon, Ashford and Simpson, Wham!, Hall and Oats and the Thompson Twins? Some of you may be too young to remember much about it, but I have vivid memories of watching for hours hoping that Duran Duran was coming on next. Little did I know that I would not get to witness them again live for another 18 years. Such a loss to humanity.
Nevertheless, it was a rockin' good day, and a much simpler time. We all still thought that Freddy Mercury and Elton John were straight, that the Rolling Stones were about to retire, and that Power Station were going to be the best group of all time. Oh the folly of youth...
Ah well, as Bob Dylan said on the day, "it would be nice if some of this money went to American farmers."
A weekly "sevens" run around starts this Thursday, on Fox Street @ 6:30pm. Per J-Wil, if you plan on being a dick, bring $20 to contribute to the after practice festivities. "Being a dick" is at the discretion of the majority of those present but is likely to include but not be limited to the following:
Crying like a baby
Calling tags you never made
Kicking the ball over my head on restarts
Shoving & bitch slapping
Wearing a "do rag" (this isn't Old Gold for christ's sake)
Shouting "what the fuck" every time you drop a pass
Driving off in a huff (at least without leaving your $20)
Stiff-arms
Not sharing your water
Claiming you "still had another gear" after nearly being run down by Leo
Throwing up spastic passes and then yelling at me for not catching them
Picking all the backs on your team
Claiming you didn't know what rules we were playing by when everyone yells at you for being tagged
Saying "your not back 5" all the time
Not being back 2 and a half
Kicking sand in my face
Trying to kick the ball to yourself and missing
Only playing on offense and then saying you have a "tight hammy" when we loose posession
Having a "tight hammy" or tight anything for that matter
Running off to answer your cell phone
Not going for a drink because you have some shady hook up planned
Hoisting up a kick on your imaginary "fifth and last tackle"
Pretending you didn't know you were out of bounds
Denying you are being a dick and refusing to accept the majority decision
Thinking you're better than you actually are
Anything else that I think of...
On this day in history, 1985, it was Live Aid. A really big concert about something. Who can forget watching such great performers as Adam & The Ants, Joan Baez, Billy Ocean, Howard Jones, REO Speedwagon, Ashford and Simpson, Wham!, Hall and Oats and the Thompson Twins? Some of you may be too young to remember much about it, but I have vivid memories of watching for hours hoping that Duran Duran was coming on next. Little did I know that I would not get to witness them again live for another 18 years. Such a loss to humanity.
Nevertheless, it was a rockin' good day, and a much simpler time. We all still thought that Freddy Mercury and Elton John were straight, that the Rolling Stones were about to retire, and that Power Station were going to be the best group of all time. Oh the folly of youth...
Ah well, as Bob Dylan said on the day, "it would be nice if some of this money went to American farmers."
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