You want something to get chippy about? I have seen the future, and it's name is "Kaguya". I think that's Japanese for "men suck" and it's the name of that mouse they created with two mums and no dad! Today mice, tomorrow sheep, and the day after that little girly-men. Well, I guess the best we can hope for is that we get to watch before we get put back in our cages at the zoo.

On a brighter note, this weekend is the 3rd Annual Maine Collegiate Rugby Championship, where some of the brightest minds in Maine come together to get concussed. Here are some approximate directions for you (go to Fairgrounds Road). This will be a veritable carnival of rugby, although arguably it will be missing the sideshow freaks and deep fried Twinkies, so you are welcome to bring your own. That action starts at 9am and runs all day, including a game for Portland Youth Rugby and our own side against South Shore Anchors. So come on out to Cumberland County Fairgrounds and revel in this celebration of higher learning and the benefits of a liberal arts degree - do you want fries with that?

Oh god, there goes my afternoon....

When I said that all "brawlers" were welcome at practice last night, I was speaking in the vernacular. Apparently some of you took me literally. Either that or you got bit in the arse by a radioactive spider.

Eighty-six years ago today Manfred von Richthofen joined the big dog-fight in the sky. The Red Baron had 80 kills to his name, making him the most prolific arial ace on either side of the Western Front. But even the baddest m.f.'s get their day, and the Baron was no exception. Shot down by an Australian gunner behind enemy lines, he ploughed a nearby field with his trademark Fokker triplane. His body was recovered by the British and buried with full military honors, but he was dead nonetheless, at the tender age of 25. Aint that Karma a bitch?

For those of you looking to gain some insight from last night, I present the following. For the rest of you, might I suggest this. Thusday at Fox Street, 6pm. Let's play nice, K?

It 's Tuesday, April 20th, 102 years to the day that Marie Curie isolated radium in her shed. 32 years later she was gone, victim to leukemia. The moral: science is bad. The only good thing we ever got from radium was that spider that bit Peter Parker and turned him in to Spiderman.

So, anyway, it's a minty fresh day, perfect for practice. All ballers, shot-callers, brawlers etc. should be at Fox Street @ 6pm. Playa-haters not welcome.

Also, I am pleased to announce that my worshipers have crowned me Grammar God, thanks to this fiendish little quiz. See if you can join me on my cloud, or must continue your puny mortal existence. Bow low down at the wrath of my split infinitive! Mwahahahahahahaha!

Oh, yeah, and I also rated the Perfect Girlfriend on this one. It's going to be a good day, sistahs!

It's the weekend, and there's no game, so it's up to you to get in as much real-life training in as possible. Try repeatedly jumping off the roof, eat a bowl of macaroni with ketchup, drink a case of beer and fall asleep on the hood of your car. This should give you that familiar Sunday paralysis.

I dunno about you, but my world was rocked by this news. Another blow to the economy. It's going to be a long 60 days....

As suspected, we are washed out tonight, so hit the pavement/treadmill/bike/all-you-can-eat buffet by youself. Weather permitting we will be at Fox Street on Thursday @ 6pm.

A little iPod humor for your rainy Tuesday afternoon.

Boston Irish Wolfhounds B 20, Portland 17

Sporting more grey hair than an episode of the Golden Girls, a creaky Portland side took the field last Saturday looking to shake off some cobwebs against a spritely, young collection of Irish contenders. After previous false starts to the season, a glorious day beckoned along with the opportunity to feel grass underfoot for the first time this year.

I've never been particularly good at remembering much of a game, let alone keeping score, and this was no exception. I could've sworn the game was all tied when the final whistle blew, but the ref. told me otherwise. Were it not for letting them have a do-over on one of their penalties, this may still have been the case.

No matter. There was much to take heart from in this outing. Line-out dominance continued, and there were many additional yards gained through effective mauling. On the whole the back line looked exceptionally crisp, and our two tries came from set peices that were executed at pace. It's funny. It looks like they're always just standing around at practice, but it looks as though they must have worked on a few moves. Lastly, given the pace of the Irish side there was also some very effective defence being played, shutting down a few try scoring opportunities.

On the negative side, scrums were more than a little squirrelly, and didn't always provide a solid base from which to attack. "Connectivity" between backs and forwards is still an area for work, and just generally stringing together a few more passes in open play. All things that can be fixed though, so onward and upward.

Props to Joey Team and Matt Winch for their respective tries and to Andy Nelson for his perfect kicking (two cons., one pen.) As far as I could tell on Saturday evening, everyone emerged from this opening encounter unscathed, other than Scotty T-H's usual 30 second cameo in the B game.

Practice is scheduled for this Tuesday at 6pm on Fox Street, although rain is forecast so the City might have other ideas. Watch this space.